Random Quotes from This Week

I went to get my H1N1 flu shot this weekend. My mom still thinks I`m a little kid and will cry over needles.

Mom: I hope you don`t cry, Des. When I got this needle the other day with your father, I saw a little girl cry because it hurt her so much.

me: How old was this little girl, mom?

Mom: I think 6 or 7 years old.

me: Mom, this little girl (*points to myself*) is twenty five years old.

LeBlanc and I were just hanging out on the couch and my arm was killing me. It. Hurt. So. Much.

me: I`m afraid that if you touch this arm, I will have to kill you.

LeBlanc: That seems fair. I remember when I got my shots, it was very painful.

me: Oh, yea. And I remember punching you in excitement about something. But you didn`t kill me.

LeBlanc: Oh, I`m sure I thought about it.

I decided to bake some cookies this weekend. I usually don`t bake. I love to cook, but I find the chemistry behind baking to be daunting and overwhelming. I bring in the extra cookies to work the next day to share.

Manager: Oh, you bake often, Des?

me: No, not at all. I had to run out to get all the ingredients!

Manager: Like cream of tartar?

me: No. Like flour.

And my manager bursts out laughing!

What are your funny quotes of the week???

My Outfit

LeBlanc and I are going to one of his high school buddy's wedding, and I'll be his guest! I'm so excited - to dress up, and of course, to dress LeBlanc up. teehee.

Side rant:

My aunt from Houston is visiting for about 3 weeks. She usually visits twice a year for that amount of time. It seems that during these visits, we are obligated to put aside our lives for the 3 weeks, and go out every weekend. That's the thing with Chinese families. They are always so big, and there are always so many occasions to remember. This is sort of one of those times. And if you don't, you are guilt tripped that you don't care about your family. Sigh.

Anyway, I had promised LeBlanc I would go way back in August, and I am really looking forward to this! So, I am going to have to put up with the guilt tripping, and suck it up. I love my family, but sometimes, there are just too many occasions to keep up with.

So, this is the dress I have in mind. I think I can wear this to both the ceremony and reception. Maybe throw a shawl over it at the ceremony. I never know what to do about accessories. Any feedback and suggestions would be much appreciated.

My dress.

My shoes.

My accessories (green shiny earrings and my Movado watch).

Any suggestions for accessories?? No necklace right?? I'm always afraid I'll look overdone... Help!!

Early Retirement???

For my parents, not me. I just started working a year ago :)

So many times, as a young working adult trying to balance my life and bank account, I wonder how my parents raised us. With only one working parent from when I was in kindergarten until I was in grade 7, I am still befuddled as to how my parents managed to take care of us with one income source. (My dad was the breadwinner, though my mom did babysit for cash, which mainly went to savings for emergencies. We also saved money on day care and other services that way, too.)

My sisters and I grew up blessed with the greatest parents in the world. Who had so little, and yet were able to give us so much.

One of the greatest lessons that my parents taught us was appreciation for money, and how to be frugal. Though money cannot buy many things, money can give us a choice.

My parents did not have much of a choice when they were raising us. Yet, they still chose to be good parents.

Even though we could have used the money, my dad tried not to work overtime too much. Instead, he would spend the extra time, bringing my sisters and I to the library. Fixing things around the house. In the summers, he would take our whole family to various trips. CNE and Ontario Place (with the school coupon), Wasaga Beach, camping, and watching fireworks on Victoria Day and Canada Day.

My mom chose to be a stay at home mom. My mom also babysat other children for some extra cash. My mom went beyond the call of duty for a babysitter. She taught the kids Chinese lessons when it was time for my sisters and I to do our Chinese homework. She shared her homecooked meals and snacks. She treated everyone fairly. In the summer time, my mom would take us all to the neighborhood park (with a splashpool, a petting zoo, and a very decent jungle gym) for a day of playing and picnicing. I don't know how or where my mom got the energy to bring 8 kids to the park on a regular basis.

My sisters and I are really lucky to have grown up with so many fond memories of our childhood.

My dad has always were in factories. From what I can recall, he worked at a factory making airplane wings on the assembly lines. Then he worked at wallpaper factory until it closed. After that, my dad was older (almost 50), and he got a job at an automotive plant where he was been working since.

There is a lot of seniority at his company, and my dad has only been there for 10 years. Because of his lack of seniority, my dad has now been put on the night shift. It has been really hard on his body, and I am worried.

My parents are frugal, but they have been able to put away some money throughout the years. My dad and I took a look at his finances, and were crunching the numbers to see if they could retire early. We took a look at my parent's current monthly spending, and budgeted for how much we could reduce their spending by. I am now looking into getting a software with long term planning so we can have a better picture of how my parents' finances will look in the next few years.

One option that my dad and I were looking into was downgrading our house. They currently live in the same house we grew up in, and it's too big for two people. There is also maintenance that my dad finds overwhelming at times, such as lawn mowing, yard work, and snow shoveling.

We worked out my parent's current monthly budget to be $1500 and can probably we can get it down to $1200 if they move to a smaller place with less overhead costs (utilities, property taxes, housing maintenance, etc.) They should have enough with their pensions, RRSP contributions, old age securities (after they turn 65), and of course, my sisters and myself are working full time.

In a society where we are constantly told to use our hard earned money to buy things to make our lives happier / better / more glamourous. Rarely are we told to use our money to invest in ourselves and buy freedom. Freedom from having to work at a job that we don't like. Freedom to persue our hobbies. Freedom to spend time with our families and friends. Freedom from having to live month to month paying off debts.

I'm looking into purchasing Microsoft Money. I don't think Quicken Cash Manager has a long term planning function (it didn't specify).

Do you have any suggestions for a long term budgetting money managing software??? What are your thoughts on budgetting and money management???

My Canada Day

Canada was yesterday - July 1st. So, yes, I got one day off and it was in the middle of the week. It was still pretty awesome. Better than awesome, I would argue.

Happy Canada Day!!!!

I slept in, and tidied up my apartment. Chatted with LeBlanc on GTalk, and then headed to my parent's house.

LeBlanc and I joke that everytime we go home, we are there to perform manual labour. Which is mostly true. Last weekend I went home, I washed and vaccumed both my car, and my dad's van. This time, I helped weed the flower beds, and mowed the lawn. Front and back.

Joking aside, I really enjoy this stuff. It makes me feel like I'm at home.

As my mom made dinner, I read my book at the front steps.

Back tracking a bit, I've had numerous talks with my girlfriends, and sisters about my dilemma. I guess, on hindsight, what I realize is 2 main things.

1) My parents don't want to see me get hurt.

2) My parents are realizing that myself (and my sisters) are grown up.

With this in mind, I wanted to take a new approach when bringing up this topic. It wasn't so much the trip. Or LeBlanc. Or the sex. It was me growing up. And I needed to be careful, to not hurt my parents. (You were right, Greears!)

I wanted them to know that they have raised me well. If I have kids one day, I only hope to be able to do as good a job of them. They have given my sisters and I so much. But at the same time, they raised us to think for ourselves. To not just accept, but question the world around us. And that's what I am doing. And although we may not see eye to eye on all subjects, I ask that we both still respect one another's decisions. And to trust me. Trust that they raised me well enough to make my own decisions.

After dinner, we had a talk. My dad, my mom, and I. And I'm so grateful and thankful, and lucky that we can communicate so freely. My parents have sure grown up a lot, and have also let us grow up a lot, as well.

My dad said that he has been struggling with thoughts, as to weather letting us to go to university with a work-study program was a good decisions. He feels like we're out in the world so much, that he's not really needed. Or we have become so independent that we don't need home, anymore.

My family is poor. We grew up with hand me down clothes from family friends. We never ate out at restaurants. If we went to McDonald's, it was with coupons. And I am proud of it. It has made me who I am today.

One of the biggest dilemma's my parents faced was how on earth they would ever afford a good education for their 3 girls. Post secondary school is very expensive, and they would never be able to afford that with their salary. Sure, we could borrow money from the government, but the idea of their kids coming out of school with so much debt was also a little scary for my parents.

When I went to a school with a work study program, I found a way to not only earn valuable work experience during my undergraduate degree, but also a way to pay for my own living expenses, as well. It seemed like a win-win situation. My parents were really happy with it, as well.

But I guess, the price of independence is high. Once you start making your own decisions, it's difficult to go back to other people making decisions for you. Almost impossible, I think.

My ideals, I believe are deeply rooted with my Chinese culture which I was brought up with by my parents. But there are also parts from growing up in a multicultural community, such as Toronto. I guess, I try to take the best of worlds, and meld them into something that works for me and makes me happy.

In the end, my parents just want to be included more in my life. They wanted to get to know LeBlanc more, so they don't feel like their daughter is going on a trip with a stranger. They want me to come home more often. To call, and just ask them how life in general is going. That's all. And I promised that I would do that, but they also need to know that I do want to spend time with friends, and weekends, are oh-so-short. But I will try harder to keep in touch.

(To be on the safe side, right when I got home, I ran upstairs and stashed my passport in my purse. hehe.)

Organization!

So, I've been trying to make some changes in my life.

I think I've gotten over the initial hump of "oh-my-god-I-am-no-longer-in-school-even-though-I-have-been-for-the-last-seventeen-years-of-my-life" crisis. Yay, me :)

I have gotten to the point that I am not that overwhelmed with my life. I have great sisters whom are my best friends and can talk about anything to. I have a great job right out of university as a consulting engineer. I am really liking dating a really great guy. I am on good terms with my parents. I have great friends, keep in touch even if we're far apart, and see my close ones as often as I can. AND I just paid off all my student loans.

Life is good, and I'm enjoying.

I think I was initially overwhelmed with everything because I felt like I had to know everything. Where I will be in 10 years from now. Even 5 years from now. From everything in terms of career, investments, house, car, boyfriend/significant other, etc etc.

Now, I know, and have convinced myself that that is silly. People are constantly changing. I am constantly changing, and to think that I can see into the future is silly. And also impossible.

So, instead of worrying about the future, I am just going to enjoy the present, and set some short term goals for myself.

A couple of areas of development, I am looking to improve are how I look at my finances and taking care of my body.

Not that I spend frivolously or eat very poorly. I think that is next to impossible with the way I was brought up (the Asian cheap genes). But I would like to know more about finances, track them and see where my money is going. Then, I can see if I am really spending my money where I want to be. I want to learn about investing, and do some of it myself. I would also like a place to record my journey along this path

I have a passion for food, and think it might be a good idea to have a place where I can record my cooking and eating woes (and triumphs). I usually only cook about twice a week, since I'm living on my own.

And even though, I can do all that on one blog. I would like to experiment with having 3 blogs. One dedicated to my weekly journal of my personal thoughts of my life (that's this one). One that is similar to a personal finance blog. And one more for my recipes and adventures dining out.

I like to have things organized into categories, and I'm actually really excited to get started on this little project of mine. I will post the links when I get them up and running :)

Wish me luck, and feel free to check them out!

Kiss the Rain

Sometimes when I listen to music, it's just so beautiful that it makes me want to cry. Music invokes such strong emotions, I am always in awe of how people can create something so beautiful.

When I heard this song on the electric violin, I just put in on repeat for the rest of the night.

I have decided to print out my pictures into a photo album (non digital one) since my photos just stay on my hard drive and I never look at them.

$45 on diapers in May 1989

That's how much my parents spent on diapers in May of 1989. Their organization and financial detailing and spending is something that I wish I had half of. It truly is amazing.

It's crazy. The older I get, the more I am in complete and utter shock and how my parents were able to pull through raising us kids.

When I was little, and until I was in grade 7, my dad was the sole provider for my family. My mom babysat for cash when I was in grade 2 until grade 7, and after that she went back to work. Though, it was very little in hind sight, it was enough that we could save away and use my dad's income for most of the day to day spending.

Even though my dad was a book keeper in Hong Kong and my mom an accountant, when they came to Canada, they have always worked in factories. My was working making airplane wings at MacDonald Douglas until he was laid off. Then, he worked at a wall paper company in the press lines until he was laid off. And until lately, he has been working in the assembly lines of a car manufacturing company.

My dad's pay cheque for the month was just a little over what I make now in 2 weeks. I know that the dollar was worth more in the past, but it astounds me and humbles me that my parents were able to provide so much for their 3 little girls, when they had so little themselves.

This makes me feel quite guilty for not knowing where my money is going. It's not that I spend frivolously (or, at least I don't think that I do), I just realized that if you asked me how much I spend on groceries last month, I can't give you an exact number.

So this is one of my new year resolutions - too keep better track of my expenses.

Next step would be to start looking into some investments, but first I'm going to focus on paying of my student loan (so they can stop getting all that interest from me!), and tracking my expenses. Wish me luck! :)

Just Hanging Out... in Ottawa

I took a little weekend get away to Ottawa this weekend to visit my baby sister. Ok, she's 19, and not a baby, but still.

It was so damn cold!!! I'm talking about minus 15 degrees Celsius - which is about 7 degrees Fahrenheit. With the windchill it was almost 10 degrees colder. (I'm complaining so much, you'd think that I just immigrated from Southeast Asia...)

Anyway, we hung out and I realized how special the time we shared really was. Even though we were essentially doing nothing special. We cooked dinner, watched a movie. Talked about Law and Order episodes we've seen (more so me, than her), and then fell asleep. We walked around downtown Ottawa and ducked into coffee shops and other heated shelters. Browsed used bookstores and ate Beavertails - yummm! We hit the gym together, then pigged out on desserts afterwards. The usual.

We eventually made our way to a Second Cup and ordered some lattes as we chatted about life. Boys. School. The lattes were frankly disgusting, but our conversation was great. Here was my little sister and I talking about anything and everything. And I realize how really rare a moment like this is in the last 4 months.

It makes me think back to the time that we were kids, and how easy life was back then. It makes me think that what we had back then - was all the time in the world, and we didn't even know it. It's both beautiful and a little sad.

But it also makes me feel so grateful that we have grown so close. That I can tell her things that I might not be able to tell other people, and know that she's not judging me. It's kind of comforting knowing that we have similar fears, and I feel like we are facing them together, by sharing how we feel about them.

I feel that as I get older, there are fewer people who really matter to me. My family, has become all the more important to me. Especially in the past year. I'm not sure where I would be without them.

The Fighting

Amidst the partying (more than I've done in a really long time), this weekend. The thing that stood out for me was when my parents came to visit me yesterday. It wasn't a good visit.

My mom had to get her cavities fixed downtown, and they came up to see me after that. We have been discussing the possibility of my getting a car, recently. However, with the economy up in the air, financing a car is a huge burden. So my parents decided that I can take my dad's car (Toyota Corolla 2003) and my dad would take my mom's minivan, and then my mom would car pool with a co-worker to work.

Simple, right?

Wrong.

My dad has no patience.

My mom needs to convince everyone that she's right.

They are both as stubborn as hell.

It was so simple. And yet, so difficult.

My dad just cut my mom off as she was explaining something. Then, my mom kept explaining, and asked why my dad was being so rude. Then kept explaining. Pretty much my dad flew into a rage. They were both yelling at each other. Telling each other to stop talking. Yelling at each other.

I told both my parents to stop talking. To not say anything. I brought my mom to my room, and sat my dad on the couch. Pleading with them to stop yelling. They were both so angry. Angry at something that was so stupid and insignificant.

Sometimes these fights happen when I go home. I don't know what to say in these situations. I feel like a little kid, watching their parents fight. Helpless in the situation. I still feel helpless in the situation. I feel scared.

I feel like my parents keep so much inside. That some day, it might explode. They can't talk about their problems because it seems to always get out of hand when they try to. And it's not the problem they are talking about, its about all the stupid little things that are at the outskirts of the problem. Someone is always trying to prove the other one wrong.

It scares me because I don't want to end up like this. I don't want to see my parents like this. I understand that couples fight, but ... this is too much. I don't know what to do. If there is something I can do. I don't know.

Girl Talk

I love them.

Last weekend, my girl friend, B. and I got together for dinner. We both kinda had "break ups" recently and we had some much needed girl talk.

B. and I met when we were both in Singapore and have been pretty much traveling with each other ever since. It's funny, sometimes, you'd think that when you are half way around the world, your mind would be there, too. And the truth is, that my mind isn't.

I can be half way around the world, I could be on the moon, and the same things would most likely be on my mind. I can't escape it. Sometimes, I wish that I can.

B. probably saw me at my most bitter stage of getting over Almond. It was January of 2007 and we had broken up not too long ago. Then, it seemed like we broke up again, in June 2007 -- even though it was just a horrible meeting up.

And now it's almost the end of 2008.

I've had a few tries at the dating pool. Mostly with really nice, sweet guys. Though none that I can really picture myself dating long term. There's always something that just doesn't feel quite right. And I would rather be lonely and single, than lonely and in a relationship.

After my break up with Haagan Daz, B. was worried about me. She's a sweet girl, and she told me that she was afraid that I might become one of those people who have too many experiences and none of them feel special anymore. And she was afraid that was what happened with Haagan Daz.

She also said that I still seemed angry at Almond and encouraged me to forgive him. The truth is, I really tried. I'm not a hateful person, or one to hold grudges. However, when it comes to him, I still feel angry when I think of what happened. I feel hurt, all over again. And I wish it would just go away. I wish that I could just let it go. But I don't know what's stopping me.

I didn't want to get all teary eyed during our talk but, the truth is that Almond broke my heart. As simple and cliche as it sounds, its the truth. He broke it. And I'm not sure if it's back together, yet. And I'm not sure if it ever will be. That's the part the scares me. How could someone have such a big impact on me? I feel like I should've moved on by now, and I don't think I have.

In another emotional girl chat with my sister, I told her of my fear of even starting to feel that way about someone.

me: I'm afraid that I won't let myself fall in love, even if I'm staring that person in the face, cuz I'll be afraid to get hurt.

sis: You were hurting from you first love, but you got through it. We were there to support you last time. Me, baby sis, your friends, B. and J. And if you have to go through it again, we'll be right there. With ice cream and reruns of SATC. So, you see, you don't have to be afraid of taking a chance when the right guy comes along. Nothing to be afraid of.

And I realize that she's right.

When the right guy comes along, I want to be able to love whole heartedly, because that's just how I'm built. But if it doesn't work out, I know I'll be OK.

Everyone needs a girl chat. I'm glad I have such great girls to have them with.

My Dad

I was reading another blogger's post on her dad, and thought, what a great time to write about mine!

My dad. A loving and supporting husband, father, uncle and friend.

I am the oldest of his three daughters. Yes, he always gets teased about being out numbered by females, but don't you worry. My dad can stand his ground.

Growing up, my dad hasn't always been the same person to me, and I haven't always been able to relate to him the same way. My parents have always been very strict, and when I was little, I would be afraid of my dad. I dreaded when he found out about my mischief.

My dad has this presence that can be very intimidating. Just ask my ex-boyfriend (lol....).

My dad was never the type to give me money to go out and buy new clothes or electronics. In fact, I didn't own a cell phone until I could afford my own.

My dad taught me to value money and work hard for it. I had part time jobs during high school, and have paid my way through (most of) my university.

My dad did not take my family on vacations to exotic beaches and islands, we were too poor for that. My dad took us to CNE and Ontario Place (with those free tickets, of course), Wasaga Beach, the zoo, and camping every summer without fail.

Every weekend, we would drive over to the local library and take out a stack of books. Though I'm pretty sure he'd rather stay at home and watch tv, instead of running around with 3 crazy little girls. He's a trooper.

My dad didn't take us to fancy restaurants for birthday celebrations, ie. no Chuck E Cheese or Discovery Zone. Instead, he'd whip up his specialty fried noodles with chives and garlic, a dish of steamed fish, and my mom would steam a cake. I was embarrassed as a kid, and would only invite my best friend over.

Only recently, we start going to restaurants for these special occasions. It wasn't that great. We quickly told my parents that we preferred celebrating at home. Though, it's a little sad that we didn't realize how great we had things until we're older.

Even though we didn't do poorly in school. My parents would always go to a parent-teacher interview if we had less than an A+ on midterms. Seriously. Talk about pressure. But now I know they did it because they cared. Though, they did have high expectations. Asian parents. **shakes head** =)

Through the years, my dad went from being someone I feared, to someone I really respected. Now, he is someone I can also talk to and relate at the same level. Much like a friend. We have come a long way. I can tell him what's on my mind, and I think he can, too.

I can talk to him about my break up, and he understands my pain. But also encourages me to learn from it, cherish the moments and move forward.

I tell him about my fears of stepping into the working world, and feeling like I have to be a grown up, when I have more unanswered questions and thoughts than answers. He reassures me that things will work out just fine.

I tell him of my thoughts of moving to the west coast. He tells me he'll miss his little girl, but will be happy to support me if that's what I want to do.

There's a million other things I could write, but then, this post will never end and I'd probably end up with tears on the keyboards (therefore, cementing the imminent death of my laptop), and you'd have fallen asleep from boredom.

My dad. The greatest, yet most humble man I know.

I'm so lucky to have a such a great role model.

Whatever... It matters.

I'm trying not to censor myself with this blog. I think it's hard for me. To some extent, I like to please people, like most of us. So here goes, with something that's been bothering me for the past little while.


Back track to when I was wee little, say about 13 years old. In a conversation with my dad, he asked me for my opinion, or what to do (about a topic which I don't recall).

Dad: Des, what would you like to do.
Des: I don't know dad. It doesn't really matter.

Pause.

Dad: Des, this is something that I wanted your opinion in.
Des: [shrugs] I really don't know, dad. It doesn't really matter.

I wasn't not trying to be one of those rebel teenagers who show no emotions or cares. It's just that it didn't really matter either way.

My dad takes a deep breath.

Dad: Des, you might not realize this, but by shrugging off my question you are disrespecting me. [You know how Asians are so keen on showing respect, right?] It shows that you don't really care or give 2 hoots of what I'm saying. This is a matter which is important to me, and it would nice if you stopped, and thought about it, and told me your thoughts. That's all.

My dad always has these little "life lessons" for us as kids. Sometimes I agree, sometimes I disagree. This is one of the times, I agree after I've experienced it.

Fast forward to this week. I was trying to plan my grad trip with B., and asked my friend if she wanted to join.

Instead of saying yes or no, she just shrugged and said, "I don't know. I don't really care."

I flash back to that conversation my dad and I had. Even though it probably wasn't said with bad intentions. At that moment, I believe I felt exactly the way my dad did.

I know that not everyone is certain of what they want to do (travels, jobs, money, etc etc). I've asked a few people who might be interested in the trip, and I don't need a concrete answer. Just a thoughtful and honest one. I usually do get straight answers (ie. yes, I'm interested, but I am constrained by ......... , or, no, I'm not interested.)

I was trying to plan a trip. I was spending money, time and effort. A lot of time, money, and effort. I don't like going into things half-heartedly. The "I don't care" really felt like a slap in the face. Like it didn't matter. At all.

I guess, like my dad, I just wanted a straight up answer. Like father, like daughter.

Cut Fruit Love

There are few things that say, "I love you" like cut fruits. It's in the gesture of a simple action that is so thoughtful, caring and aimed specifically at you.

Being in the midst of writing exams, my parents made a trip up and brought me some food. No, I am not the typically engineering student who has their parents come deliver packed lunches and dinners every week so they would never ever have to cook. However, my parents usually do this at the start of exams, and I always look forward to it. Yes, I am still spoiled, I know.

Usually on these trips, my parents bring a bag full of in season fruits, and I just wash, or peel them whenever I want to eat. After handing me my the care package, my mom says, "Des, I also cut some apples, mangoes and pineapples. Make sure you eat them quickly."

Not only did my mom cut the apples, she peeled them, too! It might not seem like a big deal, but I sure felt warm and fuzzy eating those fruits last night. And the sour mangoes, sure tasted super sweet.

Thanks, mom and dad.

Photo source: PPDigital