Monday, September 21, 2009

I Think I Love You

As you know, I've been thinking it for a while, and recently decided that I was almost ready to tell LeBlanc that I love him.I love him for because he makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel special and loved. He is intelligent and ambitious, and yet modest and humble. He is patient. He is sweet and thoughtful. He is kind and gentle. He calms me down when he senses I'm tense. He listens to my crazy ideas of life, and encourages me to pursue said crazy ideas :)

So, I've been having this build up of emotion. It started one day at a traffic light when I was worked up from driving through downtown rush hour traffic. Hate. Doing. That. But he reached over and gave me a squeeze and told me I'm doing great.

Then, there was last weekend when he queued up my favourite Taylor Swift songs on YouTube and sang along, even with his friends around. (He doesn't get embarrassed easily, eh!)

Or how he never gets mad at me even though I've stolen the blanket in the middle of the night from him on several occasions and he's gotten a bit of a cold in the morning.

I like watching him help his little brothers with their homework.

I like that he is proud of my work, and introduces me as a "real" engineer and that I'm "smarter than him" even though, I don't think it's true.

And lately the urge to tell him how I feel has been a bit overwhelming. But...

When was the right time? ...The right place? ...How should I say it? ...Should I be scared of being the first to say it? ...What if he doesn't feel the same way? ...Would he think I'm moving too fast and pushing him away? ...Am I making myself too vulnerable?

But last night, I did it.

He drove me home after dinner with his family at his parents' house. We kissed good night, and I went to grab my bags. Then, I decided that I had to tell him right then, and didn't want to put it off any longer.

I hug him, and say, "I think I love you."

There is a pause, as I think he is digesting my unexpected farewell.

LeBlanc: Thank you. That's very nice of you to say.

Another pause.

LeBlanc: I really like you a lot.

me: Ummm. Thank you. That's very nice of you to say.

LeBlanc: This is new to me. I've never felt this way before.

me: What's that?

LeBlanc: Felt like I really like someone.

Aside thought: I admit, I was a wee bit dissappointed that he didn't say that he loved me, too. But, I was kinda prepared for the fact that LeBlanc, might not in fact be
1) ready to say it
2) might not feel it
I don't want him to say that if he does not mean it. I don't want him to just say it because I said it. And I appreciate his honesty. I am glad that I was able to tell him how I feel. But, still.

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Anonymous said...

hey girl! Just wanted to let you know it took my man well over a year to say he loved me and I said it to him first, lol. He just wanted to cautious because of past relationships. Even when he said it, he didn't say it often. But I could tell he cared by the way he acted and that was okay.

Des said...

Thanks Miss Burb! :) I can tell by the way he acts that he cares, but sometimes, it's nice to have a reassurance vocally.

Greears said...

Des, I'm with Miss Burb. With men it is not what they say it is what they do and a guy like him is not going to feel comfortable saying that until he is ready to marry. Hang in there, it will come around.

Also, it's ok that you told him we learn on Sesame Street, they are just feelings and they come and they go, and you can have them and express them and listen to them. When we work hard to hold them in or hide them we give them more power than they deserve. Yes, you love him and he is was vague and thankful to you for that. Nothing changes. You both keep enjoying each other.

Enjoy your passion!

Andy said...

Well, saying "I love you" is never easy, especially for a man. They also have their insecurities, so they take ait longer. :)

Des said...

Greears - Thank you for your comforting thoughts. He does do a lot to show me he cares and is very sweet.

Andy - I guess they do. It's a big step for anyone.