Wednesday, November 25, 2009

The Story of the "L" Plateau

Thanks for your inspiring comment Greears!

I had some time to think about my "dilemma", and it really is not a dilemma at all. I am very happy, and LeBlanc is wonderful. Yes, in a perfect world, he would be proclaiming his love for me through Disney songs while dancing with the deers , and picking me up for our dates in a carriage that was made from a pumpkin with fairy dust.

But in this world, it's a hug and kiss in the mornings when he's too groggy to even think. Giving me massages. Cooking me dinner. Taking me to a show just because I want to dress up. Asking me for input on his next projects for work, if he's going somewhere far away. I've been greedy, and I admit it.

After LeBlanc and I had the talk, I took sometime and put together this story. As much as I try to be open and honest, there are some times when I am not. I do clam up. But I wanted him to know how I felt and this was pretty much most of what was on my mind after our talk.

"The Story of the 'L' Plateau" by des

Once upon a time, there was a wonderful little boy who liked to do nice things for a certain little girl and make her happy.

Sometimes, he would make her dumplings. Sometimes he would get free coffee from McDonalds in the early AM (drink most of both thier cups, but alas, that is a minor detail). Sometimes, he would take her out for a fancy wine tasting or watch a Cirque du Soliel show, so that she could satisfy her fancy of dressing up. And sometimes, he would give her random massages just because.

One very special day, the little boy bought her a beautiful cardigan sweater and matching cami (great taste,indeed), and wrote a very cute card that was decorated with stars, flowers, hearts and cloud puffs, reading "My life is richer because you're in it." Even though, the little girl was very happy, she had thought the little boy was ready to move the "love" plateau, and her little ego was hurt when the little boy did not come through.

Even though the little boy showed the little girl how he cared through his actions (see above), the little girl was still bothered after that night. She debated whether to tell him or not, and eventually she told him. In a most unattractive, bawling kind of manner.

Afterwards, the little girl and the little boy had a serious talk about the "L" word. The little girl had some time to think about how she handled the situation, and she has concluded this: Even though, she was right to tell the little boy what was going on in her head, and how she felt hurt, she doesnt want to give it more power than it deserves.

The little girl does not think that the little boy is slow at relationships, and thinks he is doing a wonderful job of showing the little girl how much she means to him even though he is not hard wired for being verbally emotive. However, occasionally, the little girl gets a little greedy. and wants verbal confirmation, when in fact, she doesn't really need it.

So, the little girl wants the little boy to know that she is very lucky to have him in her life. She also feels a little silly for having made somewhat of a big kuffufle. When in fact, the little boy shows the little girl how much she means to him, through his actions, everyday, and makes her feel very special and happy.

The little boy and the little girl then ride off into the sunset on pink unicorns who never fart, and they all live happily ever after.

The End.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Retail Therapy

Sort of. I just ogled these dresses from ModCloth.


I don't own many dresses (I blame it on my tom boy-ish engineering ways). But it is never too late to start, ogling. And I just bought a beautiful sweater dress last winter from Banana Republic, and I love how it is so simple to look more put together with a dress :).

These are my picks from ModCloth. Too bad for the $19 shipping to Canada fee. Hmph.

I love the flowers on the neckline and the subtleness of the stripes

I love cowl necks! And I love the simpless-ness with a pop of bubbles.
I love the flowers on the neckline and the simple-ness of the skirt-like bottom.
Again, I love the simple-ness of the black and white. I love the creases at the waist, and the flower at the neckline.
I love the punches of red.
It's a simple cut, and it's more of an office-look.
I love the detail at the waistline and the way the bottom flows out.
I love the simple vibrant blue. I also love the pleats, and the waist band.
I know, another black-and-white. I love the cowl neck and the button detail at the waist.
I love the pattern and shape.
I love the casual and chic look of this sweater. It looks cozy and femine all at once.I'm not usually a fan of the one shoulder-look. But I think this looks so "natural" with the ruffles.
I love the lace at top, and the vibrant blue sash.
I could totally wear this lounging around with tights or skinny jeans tucked in some knee high boots.
Simple black dress, but I love the shape of it. I love thee flutteri-ness of the sleeves and the glittery cinch in the waist.
I'm not sure if I can pull on a strapless, but I love the teal and asymmetrical pleating of this dress.
Again, love the ruffles and the shape of this dress. I feel like I would enjoy an opera more just wearing this dress!
I love how simple this dress is. There is just enough detailing in the sash and bow at the waist to make it pop.
Again, I love how the dress is simple with detailing at the waist and the hem of the dress.
I love the metallic material and the scrunching look at the top tied altogether with a simple black belt.
I love the coziness of this sweater. I wonder how it would look with long sleeves (I always find short sleeved sweaters so strange.)
I love the simpless-ness of this dress. How the pleats pull into the waist, and then flow outwards.


Which ones do you like??? Do you have a dress that makes you feel like a million bucks???

It Bothers Me

I'm not sure if LeBlanc not saying "I love you" should bother me this much, but it does. A couple times, I was thinking about it since last weekend, and I teared up. Truth be told, it hurt more than I thought it would when I didn't read those words on his anniversary card, last weekend. It was too much to keep inside. I told him, today.

me: I don't want you to say anything that you don't mean. But I wonder when you would be ready to say them, or if you would be. It's been bothering me.

LeBlanc: I don't know, Des. I'm very slow at emotional and relationship stuff. What does that mean to you - love?

me: It would mean that I am someone who is special in your life. Someone you care deeply about. Someone whom you may have a future with, one day.

LeBlanc: You are special to me. Very special. In a good way. And I always looking to spending time with you. And I want to keep spending time with you.

me: What does it mean to you - love?

LeBlanc: I don't know.


LeBlanc: I'm not too good at this emotional part. I am very slow at relationship stuff, I think I need to take some time and think.

I'm not sure if it was the right thing to tell LeBlanc how I felt. My original plan was just to leave it until he is ready to say it. However, I think its important that he knows that going on in my head, and something is obviously bothering me. I don't want him to "fix" it and tell me something that's not true.

What do you think?? Would you say something in my position???

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Our Anniversary :)

This weekend, LeBlanc and I celebrated our first anniversary together. We both couldn't believe that it's been a year already since that fateful night.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to spend our anniversary together, so I made LeBlanc a gift basket of some herbal tea, a cologne, special tea cup, and pillows before he went away to Australia.

Last weekend, I reminded LeBlanc that our anniversary. LeBlanc went shopping (shock!) and got me a cardigan and cami - and it fits!

When I was reading his card, I started to cry halfway through. Even though most of it was happy tears, I was also a little sad. When he asked me if they were tears of happiness, I nodded, but that wasn't entirely true. I thought that he might say "I love you," or something to that effect, but he didn't. I haven't said to him since that night.

It's funny, everything he does makes me feel like I am special to him, and that he cares a great deal about me. But I guess I would like the verbal reassurance, as well. I don't really want to bring it up, because I don't want him to feel pressured to say it if he's not ready. At the same time, I feel a little hurt.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Thoughts on Weddings (in general)

No, LeBlanc and I are not getting married. These are just my thoughts on weddings, in general. Especially after my experience through some of my friends' and co-workers' weddings.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I want a "traditional" wedding, or maybe even any wedding. Coming from a big Asian family, and being the oldest grandchild on my dad's side, I have a fear that my wedding would become some sort of circus show of varying degrees of family politics and having face. Basically, I feel that I have to be putting on a big show. I am also lazy, and am not the type of person to "ooohh" and "aaaah" over flowers, napkins, center pieces, decorations, etc. I don't want to spend a lot of money on things just to put on what I feel is a very expensive show.

Weddings are expensive, and I don't want to spend money on planning an event that is so stressful. Even with just the "basics", usually you still have the following expenses for 50 to 80 guests:
  • Dress ($500 - $1000)
  • Hair and make up ($100 - $300)
  • Venue ($3000 - $7000)
  • Flowers and decorations ($1000 - $3000)
  • Photography/videography ($1000 - $2000)
  • Wedding cake ($300 - $800)
I want to spend money on things that are important to me, and putting on a big show is not. I don't want to be a bride who is simply waiting for her wedding day to be over, because she is so stressed.

Having said all that, this is what I would like, if I were to have a wedding (non big show style).

I would love to have a very small outdoor wedding with about 10 to 12 people. In the fall, in a park with my parents, my sisters and one or two close friends. I would like to do the traditional tea ceremony with my parents. We'd take a few photo's to remember and then take everyone out for dinner afterwards.

No big decorations. No flowers (except maybe a bouquet). No center pieces. No fancy invitations or name cards. No band. No cake. Though I would like a dress. Maybe not a completely traditional western or Chinese one. Maybe one like this.
Just us and the people who mean the most to us.

I am not bashing big weddings, I just know that's not what I want, and its not what makes me happy. This is partly because of the craziness I hear and experience. I just feel that society portrays that as a bride, you get to go crazy because it is your day. You get to be a princess and throw the biggest party because it will make you happy. A beautiful gown. A gorgeous cake. Breath taking flowers. The perfect venue and menu.

Except that when I think of all those things, I feel there is a daunting list of things to plan, to arrange, and to make sure that everyone is happy - and that's what I don't want. It stresses me out.

What are your thoughts on weddings?? Do you want a big wedding or small wedding?? What is the most important part of a wedding for you???

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Long Distance Relationship Work and Playful Banter

I'm not one who is new to long distance relationships. Almond and I had done it several times. As with any relationship, it shouldn't be too difficult, but at the same time, it's not easy. In a nutshell, these are the most important take away points I've learned.

Usually, there is very little time to spend together (i.e. on the phone). You usually see only the best of each other at those times, and would rather not bring up topics that are not so happy. Sometimes, important issues can get swept under the rug because you don't want to waste this precious time you have together. Similarly, these items which get swept under the rug can get pent up and explode into a very ugly situation.

LeBlanc has been away on business in Australia for the past month. Having a 16 hour time difference puts some strain on our relationship. We talked about it before he left, and one of the things we were going to work on was communication and trying to include each other in our daily goings, with a combination of phone calls, texting, and e-mails.

As hard as we both try, one person usually does more of the above than the other. In my case, I felt a little neglected when LeBlanc and I hadn't talked in a few days. I knew that he had been working really long hours, and could just picture that when he came home, he would just collapse into sleep. But still. I wanted a call. I am his girlfriend. I am human. And I am selfish. Hmmph.

I also happened to be having a not-so-great week at work. I was afraid that I would be mad with feelings of pent up neglect by the time LeBlanc finally called, so I texted him a "heads up".

Des: I am feeling neglected.

LeBlanc: Terribly sorry... Meant to call you last night but fell asleep as soon as I got home. What are you up to now?

Des: At work.

LeBlanc then called. It was so great hearing his voice and the anger melted away. I told him about my week, and he told me about his. His project had hit somewhat of a stand-still and he wasn't sure if he would be back in Toronto (his project was originally 7 weeks overseas). I was almost afraid to hope that he'd be back for fear of it not happening.

Anyway, after our brief chat, I went back to work, and he got up to start his day.

I got an e-mail shortly after.

To: Des
From: LeBlanc
Subject: Fwd: Awwww... Poor Piglet

Just wanted to remind you that I do read your messages : )
-- LeBlanc

To: LeBlanc
From: Des
Subject: Re: Fwd: Awwww... Poor Piglet

Thanks :)

I do send a lot of them. I guess I think of you often.

I did feel a little miffed last night and this morning. These if a part of me that is understanding, and a part of me that is not, and sometimes they clash. I just feel how I feel, and figured I should let you know so that I don't explode on you, and squander the little time we do have to talk being mad. I know you are working a lot and long hours, and frustrated about your project. And I don't want to add to your stress, and I hope that I am not.

I hope your project works out, I know how much you were looking forward to it. I am excited for you! And I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

-- Des

To: Des
From: LeBlanc
Subject: Fwd: Awwww... Poor Piglet

That e-mail made me smile a lot... especially on the inside.

I hope that's what you were going for.
-- LeBlanc

Then the playful text banter. My favourite part!

Des: I probably should have added in the e-mail that patience is not one of my virtues.

LeBlanc: It's OK... Luckily, I'm a wonderful person.

Des: Yes, as wonderful as your are modest.

LeBlanc: Yes... Lots of both. (Said with a smile).

Des: Sounds perfect. Now you only need a spice rack*.

*Inside joke. I was impressed with this guy my friend is dating because he has a spice rack in his apartment. Lame, I know.

Update: LeBlanc came back yesterday afternoon! Hooray! And he brought a little friend for me, Mr. Koala aka Mr. K.**
**This is not an actual picture of Mr. K, but he does look very similar.

What are your experiences with long distance relationships? And what words of wisdom do you have to share about you long distance experience?