Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Thoughts on Weddings (in general)

No, LeBlanc and I are not getting married. These are just my thoughts on weddings, in general. Especially after my experience through some of my friends' and co-workers' weddings.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I want a "traditional" wedding, or maybe even any wedding. Coming from a big Asian family, and being the oldest grandchild on my dad's side, I have a fear that my wedding would become some sort of circus show of varying degrees of family politics and having face. Basically, I feel that I have to be putting on a big show. I am also lazy, and am not the type of person to "ooohh" and "aaaah" over flowers, napkins, center pieces, decorations, etc. I don't want to spend a lot of money on things just to put on what I feel is a very expensive show.

Weddings are expensive, and I don't want to spend money on planning an event that is so stressful. Even with just the "basics", usually you still have the following expenses for 50 to 80 guests:
  • Dress ($500 - $1000)
  • Hair and make up ($100 - $300)
  • Venue ($3000 - $7000)
  • Flowers and decorations ($1000 - $3000)
  • Photography/videography ($1000 - $2000)
  • Wedding cake ($300 - $800)
I want to spend money on things that are important to me, and putting on a big show is not. I don't want to be a bride who is simply waiting for her wedding day to be over, because she is so stressed.

Having said all that, this is what I would like, if I were to have a wedding (non big show style).

I would love to have a very small outdoor wedding with about 10 to 12 people. In the fall, in a park with my parents, my sisters and one or two close friends. I would like to do the traditional tea ceremony with my parents. We'd take a few photo's to remember and then take everyone out for dinner afterwards.

No big decorations. No flowers (except maybe a bouquet). No center pieces. No fancy invitations or name cards. No band. No cake. Though I would like a dress. Maybe not a completely traditional western or Chinese one. Maybe one like this.
Just us and the people who mean the most to us.

I am not bashing big weddings, I just know that's not what I want, and its not what makes me happy. This is partly because of the craziness I hear and experience. I just feel that society portrays that as a bride, you get to go crazy because it is your day. You get to be a princess and throw the biggest party because it will make you happy. A beautiful gown. A gorgeous cake. Breath taking flowers. The perfect venue and menu.

Except that when I think of all those things, I feel there is a daunting list of things to plan, to arrange, and to make sure that everyone is happy - and that's what I don't want. It stresses me out.

What are your thoughts on weddings?? Do you want a big wedding or small wedding?? What is the most important part of a wedding for you???


Greears said...

I'm with you! Over blown weddings are not my cup of tea. This is mostly because I see my entire life as a fabulous event to enjoy. I don't want to put all my eggs in one "extravaganza" of a memory, so to speak. Also, I feel like a princess every day.

My wedding was the best: poolside, Saipan, Marmars on our heads instead of bouquets. Vince never wanted a big wedding and neither did I. We ended up doing this and while the vows were being read kids (including Willie and DeeJay) were playing in the pool. Perfect! I am thankful for the pictures and for the gift-less-ness. My only regret is that my dad was not there for it. When I look at Marina now, imagining Vince not being there for her wedding breaks my heart. I didn't realize at the time that for older people, weddings are like funerals: more important for the people attending than for the honorees.

Des said...

Greears - Awww. I like the part about you feeling like a princess everyday :) Sounds like you had a perfect wedding because it's what makes you and Vince happy.