Sunday, November 22, 2009

It Bothers Me

I'm not sure if LeBlanc not saying "I love you" should bother me this much, but it does. A couple times, I was thinking about it since last weekend, and I teared up. Truth be told, it hurt more than I thought it would when I didn't read those words on his anniversary card, last weekend. It was too much to keep inside. I told him, today.

me: I don't want you to say anything that you don't mean. But I wonder when you would be ready to say them, or if you would be. It's been bothering me.

LeBlanc: I don't know, Des. I'm very slow at emotional and relationship stuff. What does that mean to you - love?

me: It would mean that I am someone who is special in your life. Someone you care deeply about. Someone whom you may have a future with, one day.

LeBlanc: You are special to me. Very special. In a good way. And I always looking to spending time with you. And I want to keep spending time with you.

me: What does it mean to you - love?

LeBlanc: I don't know.


LeBlanc: I'm not too good at this emotional part. I am very slow at relationship stuff, I think I need to take some time and think.

I'm not sure if it was the right thing to tell LeBlanc how I felt. My original plan was just to leave it until he is ready to say it. However, I think its important that he knows that going on in my head, and something is obviously bothering me. I don't want him to "fix" it and tell me something that's not true.

What do you think?? Would you say something in my position???


Greears said...

*if these ideas accidently come through twice...I'm sorry*

Dear Des, wouldn't it be wonderful if we could all have a fantasy relationship where our men exclaim their love for us the way we've always dreamed of at the time in which we dictate? If they could just break down and be women, just occationally! Really tell us what we mean to them! Like Shakespeare! Urg! Isn't that what we've been taught is supposed to happen in love?

It sounds to me like you had this anniversary in mind as the time in which you determined that he should move to that 'love' plateau in the relationship and when he didn't come through your ego got hurt.

So, let's take a minute to go over this. He looks forward to seeing you. You are very special to him. He has consistantly shown over the past year that he is very into you. He is not ashamed to take you out with his friends or refer to you as his girlfriend.

I've never seen what the big deal is about loving someone. I love people. I love all sorts of people for all sorts of reasons. Sometimes it works out. Sometimes not. Hopefully we were conceived in love. Hopefully we will die with love. I have always wondered, is love like the food at a big family dinner where if you are late to the table it'll run out? Or is it like sharing a desert with someone and no one wants to be so rude as to take the last bite? Love drives this world. What is the big deal?

Vince told me he loved me by accident, oops! Then we went through this time where he was responding to my telling him I loved him by saying Thank you. I thought "Doesn't he love me back?" I ruminated on that for a while but then I realized that it was his way of saying, "life is hard. I am safe with you. I am occationally a dick. Your love makes this better."

Men are physical beings. They show their feelings through their actions (and sex). I don't think LaBlanc is slow at relationships. I think he is not hard wired to be verbally emotive. I think for a young man he has been doing a wonderful job of showing you how much you mean to him.

You are right to tell him what is going on in your head. I realize you must really hurt. (God knows I've always got some feminine mystique thing that is taking up a huge part of my brain all the time, of which I explain in detail to Vince and which he only hears about half.) But, that doesn't mean you have to give it more power than it deserves.

Let's imagine that he begins telling you daily that he loves you. Then what? What is the imagined benefit that is magically going to occur in the relationship now that both parties have professed their love?

I am learning only know that in relationship, the crossing of one hurdle like this one you face, leads to a quiet sprint which culminates in another hurdle. Unless I have missed something big, your LaBlanc sounds like a wonderful guy...Enjoy him!

Des said...

Thanks for your insight and taking the time to comment, Greears!

I wrote LeBlanc a story and incorporated some of your wise words in it. I hope you don't mind! And I hope you like it :)