Thursday, October 15, 2009


Yesterday, I got an email from someone I considered a good friend telling me she now realizes that our friendship is no longer a priority for me. It was a long and drawn out process, she told me, but she said she's glad that she realizes it now, and basically doesn't care.

A series of events have led to this path, and I am sorry to say that I have neglected my friends while LeBlanc and I have been dating. Except that I never really saw it as neglect until we chatted about it yesterday. It was hard to swallow that a group of my friends who I was once closer to, has felt for some time that they are my back up friends when LeBlanc is not around.

I wish someone had told me, but I guess it was something that I should have known. I just honestly thought that everyone was busier with their lives, and that it wasn't a big deal, if I don't make all the outings. But I guess I just missed one too many.

It kinda sucks. I feel like posting up the conversation, but I don't have the energy to post it now. I just want to go to sleep for a few days, and wake up feeling less rotten than I do, now.

Have you done this before?? Any words of wisdom to pass along??


Greears said...

Wow! You got to experiance your first girl on girl, right out of the blue, knife through the heart, total bitch, heartbreak.

I am so sorry that this has to happen. Sorry that you have to go through it. But I fear it is something that all women do to each other at some point over the course of our maturity and journey into monogomy.

Women have processing needs and when our attention gets diverted by our first serious man, well...the girls get put out.

Men, in general, have no need to process the way we do. That is why it is important to keep these girlfriends around for coffee dates, lunches, dinners, drag queen parties, ect.

Unfortunately, because most of your girls are single (or have had the same boyfriend forever), they do not yet understand that devoting most of your time to your man is the most natural thing in the world. I say this because honestly, how much time would they get from you if you had a baby? And how much time would they WANT with you when you are constantly distracted by that loud smelly food throwing baby. Talk about moving to second place back up friend...

What I have noticed is that during the late 20s early 30s women start to get used to this "Vince is in town can't meet up. Leaves again Friday." "Matt on call tonight can you come to hot tub?" situation and they know it is just how it is. ALL of my girls and I do this to each other ALL the time. The husband and family comes first. (That doesn't stop us from texting all day)

It takes a while for girlfriends to realize this human reality. Until they do they really can be bitchy. I bet you didn't have the where with all to say, "So do you want me to never marry? Do you want me to be alone hanging out with you still just like this when we are 50? Because if I don't devote time to building this realtionship with LaBlanc to see if it could go somewhere, that is just where I will be!"

Just wait until your friends are all locked into a marriage or partnership and start making decisions about having kids. The next 'girl on girl' heartbreak you are going to have is the one where your close girlfriend decides not to have children and you've got one or two. You won't be able to hang out together anymore and this is gut wrenching as well.

Hang in there. Text your girls more. Give your time to LaBlanc. One day your friends will fall for someone and they will understand what you are going through. Until then know my heart is with you.

Andy said...

Hmmm... After Greears comment, I think I have nothing to add, but to say that balancing friends, work, love and chores is never easy...

As Greears puts it, just wait until they're all involved in marriage and kids and stuff... You can't dedicate all your time to only ONE aspect of your life!

Des said...

Greears - Awwww. Thanks so much for your words of inspiration and support. I was reading your comment at work, and started tearing up. I'm lame, I know.

This experience was certainly new to me, and at the moment, it hurt like hell. I felt terrible for hurting my friends, but I was glad that we were able to talk through it afterwards. That makes the pain much bearable and the hurt worth going through. Will post on that later.

Andy - It is never easy, but I do have great friends and a great boyfriend, so I'm going to try harder to see my friends more. Hopefully it works out. Wish me luck!