Saturday, May 3, 2008

Rant post on the ex

It's spring, so isn't love supposed to be in the air?! Love, where art thou? Ok, forget love. How about just "like" - in that mushy-butterflies-in-your-stomach kind of way?

So, there is more to the story of myself and Almond than Part I. More to come later (in Part II). The later bits aren't so nice.

I don't understand why it is so hard for me to move on. It's not like I haven't gone out and dated. I've met some great people. But it seems so complicated. Was "love"or even "like" always this complicated?

When there was chemistry, the guy was not so great. When there is a great guy, there seems to be no chemistry. What's a girl supposed to do?

To be honest, stepping into the working world, I have no idea how to even meet new people. At school, you can meet people in clubs and sports. Is it the same in the working aka real world?

My ex doesn't seem to be having any problems in this department. I know I sound bitter when I say this. I don't mean to be.


When we had our talk (after our "break") Almond was in a bad stage in his life.

He still didn't have a job. He had no idea where he was going in life. He sounded like a lost puppy who barely knew his own name. He said he was no where near being able to handle a relationship and could not bear to hurt me again. He said he wasn't sure when he'd be ready for one and thought it would be unfair to ask me to wait (damn right!).

I felt really bad for him. But I also needed time alone. It's hard for me to separate my emotions when it comes to him. So I asked him to give me time on my own. He had trouble understanding this. For some reason, he thought I was being unfair to him by "taking away" my friendship.

Fast forward:

A couple months after our talk, it seems he got over his fear of relationships pretty quickly. Go figure.

After that one didn't work out, he soon got into another one.

It's not that I don't want him to be happy. That's not it at all. I just wonder why it seems so easy for him to go from one relationship to another, whereas I feel like I'm stuck.

How come it's so hard for me to move on? It's not like I have commitment problems, right? Am I too picky? Am I protecting myself too much? Is it cause I haven't met the right guy, yet? Or wait - is there something wrong with me?

Facebook is a horrible thing. I used to think that I was mature enough to handle information about my ex, so I kept him on my "friends list." I stayed away from the FB stalking pretty well, but I crumble under the stupid mini feed. Grrr..... Damn you, FB!

Anyway, I realized today, that I am not that strong. Seeing my ex with his new gf frolicking at the beach is not something I can stomach. (I actually didn't see that picture, I saw a picture of my cousin's ex doing that. And realized that if it was Almond with his new gf, it is definitely not my cup of tea) My first FB friend deletion today.

Life goes on. Exhale.


aschlee said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
aschlee said...

Love 'n Exes can be tricky especially when it's your first love. Sometimes it's hard letting people go 'n you always want to be the one to move on first.

So sorry that you have to go through this, but it sounds like you're getting stronger; you were able to delete him on FB 'n that takes guts!

If I were you though i wouldn't worry about having trouble meeting people at work. As long as you keep it natural it'll happen, if you 'n another worker have a break at the same time ask 'em if they want to grab a coffee or a smoothie or something. Super casual 'n no pressure. Anywho I'm not trying to sound preachy, I just know how much heartache sucks 'n how it's tough going to a new job 'n a new city 'n not knowing anybody. I hope that it helped a bit (maybe just a tad). :)

Des said...

Aschlee: Thanks, sweetie. Being reassured has definitely helped more than a tad. I guess I just need to relax and let things happens. :)

Anonymous said...

sometimes people jump from relationship to relationship to keep from feeling lonely. he may just be trying to fill that void or maybe he's trying to move on.

either way, it has nothing to do with you. some people need more time and that's the healthiest way for them. you'll meet a nice guy, i'm sure of it. you're too nice not to. take care

Des said...

Christie: Thanks, girl :)