LeBlanc might have his upcoming project in Norway.
He asked me on my thoughts about it, or as he put it, "Just wanted to run it by you, Des."
I was excited and happy about it for him. It's a project that he's really interested in, and something we both care about - sustainability. I was also secretly happy he asked me, even though I wasn't going to say anything to stop him.
Even though, I will miss him, I think this is a great opportunity. I think I need to tell him that. The "I miss him" part.
LeBlanc was posted in Calgary when we started dating. We would see each other once a week, and talk a couple of times a week on the phone. I'm not a huge phone person, but I do like a quick chat to get a glimpse into his day, and I would want him to care about mine, too.
When LeBlanc asked me what I thought, my first thought was back to this incident with Almond.
He had really wanted to go on a trip with his friend to Japan for a few weeks. On hindsight, I was selfish and I had apologized for it, but I realize three years later, that he probably never really forgave me.
Almond had asked me for my honest opinion, if I wanted him to go. Being young, naive and selfish, I said, I wanted to go with him, and I thought that I would miss him too much if he went without me. Silly, I know. But at that moment, it felt like the end of the world if he left.
Almond didn't go.
After realizing my mistake, I apologized profusely. I felt terrible. I was supposed to be supportive, and instead, I was the opposite.
Almond told me that it was ok. That everything was fine. That his parents probably wouldn't let him go, anyway.
Fast forward three years, we're sitting his car talking about his graduation plans. He had been talking about moving to Cali for almost a month. Not once did he ask for my thoughts on it.
Almond: I'm thinking of moving to California (Silicon Valley) to look for a job. They have the best jobs in my field. You can come down with me. I'm sure they have jobs in your field there.
Des: You can't just assume that I will follow you. You never even asked me my thoughts on it.
Almond: Well, I already gave up my dreams for you, once. I don't want to have to do it, again.
Des: What's that supposed to mean?!
Almond: Remember when I wanted to go to Japan, and you said that you didn't want me to go? Going to Japan has been one of my life dreams, and I gave that up for you. I don't want to have to give up everything for you.
Des: What?!?! How can you blame that on me?
Almond: Well, you said you didn't want me to go, and I didn't. But I'm not going to do it, again.
I remember my heart literally hurting. I felt like I was slapped in the face. I was sorry, and I had apologized right away after the incident 3 years ago, but Almond had assured me that he didn't have the money and his parent's probably wouldn't let him go, anyway. On hind sight, I think he said that so I wouldn't feel bad at the time. But I had no idea that he resented me for it.
I know that LeBlanc and Almond are very different, and one of the reasons that I'm drawn to LeBlanc is his straight up attitude. But I don't want to be resented from someone I care about. It really hurt. What hurt the most was that when Almond resented me for so long for that Japan trip, and I had no clue. I really thought that he had forgiven me.
What's the most hurtful grudge that someone you cared about you has carried???