Pet Peeve: GreyPower Ad

I really loathe this ad. I don`t watch tv that much, but even in the short amount of tv time, this ad manages to show itself at every commercial break! It`s annoying and belittling! I can`t believe its has been allowed to air for so long!

As a woman, I find it sexist.

Even though they claim to be providing lower insurance premiums for middle age drivers, when I watch the ad this is what I hear:

We will provide you with a low insurance premium if you are a middle aged male.

I woman, I am offended and will never buy insurance from Grey Power. If they really wanted to enforce that they are specifically providing insurance for middle aged individuals, then why didn`t they use a teenager in the ad, instead of a forty something year old woman.

Newsflash 1: Men do not significantly buy more driving insurance than women. There is only about 5 - 7% more men with driving insurance than women. With this ad, they are potentially losing almost half their customer pool. (From a discussion with a friend who does research at an insurance company.)

Newsflash 2: Generally, women tend to outlive men. In Canada, the life expectancy of men is about 79 years old and the life expectancy for women is 84 years old. And I can assure you that when I reach my middle age and further, I will not be insured by Grey Power.

Consider that more and more women are driving, and 80% of American women over the age of 65 are still operating a vehicle.

It seems to be me a very sexist and ageist ad that is discriminating against people. Just because you are a middle aged male does not make you a good driver. I am not saying that women are great drivers , or they driver better - that depends on the person. But it seems this ad is saying that middle aged men are better drivers and deserve a better rate than the rest of society.

When I was driving to work yesterday, some male bozo did the exact same thing this lady in the ad did. It was morning rush hour, and he felt it was necessary to swerve in front of me and cut me off to show that I should be going at 60kph instead of 55 kph. And, as if the 30 second honk did not get the message across, he also waved his hands and made demeaning hand gestures so I could see through his rear windows.

He was a middle aged male. Does he deserve a better premium than me?

What are your thoughts on this ad??? Do you think it is belittling to women or am I just being to sensitive???

Random Quotes from This Week

I went to get my H1N1 flu shot this weekend. My mom still thinks I`m a little kid and will cry over needles.

Mom: I hope you don`t cry, Des. When I got this needle the other day with your father, I saw a little girl cry because it hurt her so much.

me: How old was this little girl, mom?

Mom: I think 6 or 7 years old.

me: Mom, this little girl (*points to myself*) is twenty five years old.

LeBlanc and I were just hanging out on the couch and my arm was killing me. It. Hurt. So. Much.

me: I`m afraid that if you touch this arm, I will have to kill you.

LeBlanc: That seems fair. I remember when I got my shots, it was very painful.

me: Oh, yea. And I remember punching you in excitement about something. But you didn`t kill me.

LeBlanc: Oh, I`m sure I thought about it.

I decided to bake some cookies this weekend. I usually don`t bake. I love to cook, but I find the chemistry behind baking to be daunting and overwhelming. I bring in the extra cookies to work the next day to share.

Manager: Oh, you bake often, Des?

me: No, not at all. I had to run out to get all the ingredients!

Manager: Like cream of tartar?

me: No. Like flour.

And my manager bursts out laughing!

What are your funny quotes of the week???

The Story of the "L" Plateau

Thanks for your inspiring comment Greears!

I had some time to think about my "dilemma", and it really is not a dilemma at all. I am very happy, and LeBlanc is wonderful. Yes, in a perfect world, he would be proclaiming his love for me through Disney songs while dancing with the deers , and picking me up for our dates in a carriage that was made from a pumpkin with fairy dust.

But in this world, it's a hug and kiss in the mornings when he's too groggy to even think. Giving me massages. Cooking me dinner. Taking me to a show just because I want to dress up. Asking me for input on his next projects for work, if he's going somewhere far away. I've been greedy, and I admit it.

After LeBlanc and I had the talk, I took sometime and put together this story. As much as I try to be open and honest, there are some times when I am not. I do clam up. But I wanted him to know how I felt and this was pretty much most of what was on my mind after our talk.

"The Story of the 'L' Plateau" by des

Once upon a time, there was a wonderful little boy who liked to do nice things for a certain little girl and make her happy.

Sometimes, he would make her dumplings. Sometimes he would get free coffee from McDonalds in the early AM (drink most of both thier cups, but alas, that is a minor detail). Sometimes, he would take her out for a fancy wine tasting or watch a Cirque du Soliel show, so that she could satisfy her fancy of dressing up. And sometimes, he would give her random massages just because.

One very special day, the little boy bought her a beautiful cardigan sweater and matching cami (great taste,indeed), and wrote a very cute card that was decorated with stars, flowers, hearts and cloud puffs, reading "My life is richer because you're in it." Even though, the little girl was very happy, she had thought the little boy was ready to move the "love" plateau, and her little ego was hurt when the little boy did not come through.

Even though the little boy showed the little girl how he cared through his actions (see above), the little girl was still bothered after that night. She debated whether to tell him or not, and eventually she told him. In a most unattractive, bawling kind of manner.

Afterwards, the little girl and the little boy had a serious talk about the "L" word. The little girl had some time to think about how she handled the situation, and she has concluded this: Even though, she was right to tell the little boy what was going on in her head, and how she felt hurt, she doesnt want to give it more power than it deserves.

The little girl does not think that the little boy is slow at relationships, and thinks he is doing a wonderful job of showing the little girl how much she means to him even though he is not hard wired for being verbally emotive. However, occasionally, the little girl gets a little greedy. and wants verbal confirmation, when in fact, she doesn't really need it.

So, the little girl wants the little boy to know that she is very lucky to have him in her life. She also feels a little silly for having made somewhat of a big kuffufle. When in fact, the little boy shows the little girl how much she means to him, through his actions, everyday, and makes her feel very special and happy.

The little boy and the little girl then ride off into the sunset on pink unicorns who never fart, and they all live happily ever after.

The End.

Retail Therapy

Sort of. I just ogled these dresses from ModCloth.

*drool*

I don't own many dresses (I blame it on my tom boy-ish engineering ways). But it is never too late to start, ogling. And I just bought a beautiful sweater dress last winter from Banana Republic, and I love how it is so simple to look more put together with a dress :).

These are my picks from ModCloth. Too bad for the $19 shipping to Canada fee. Hmph.

I love the flowers on the neckline and the subtleness of the stripes

I love cowl necks! And I love the simpless-ness with a pop of bubbles.
I love the flowers on the neckline and the simple-ness of the skirt-like bottom.

Again, I love the simple-ness of the black and white. I love the creases at the waist, and the flower at the neckline.

I love the punches of red.
It's a simple cut, and it's more of an office-look.
I love the detail at the waistline and the way the bottom flows out.
I love the simple vibrant blue. I also love the pleats, and the waist band.
I know, another black-and-white. I love the cowl neck and the button detail at the waist.

I love the pattern and shape.
I love the casual and chic look of this sweater. It looks cozy and femine all at once.I'm not usually a fan of the one shoulder-look. But I think this looks so "natural" with the ruffles.

I love the lace at top, and the vibrant blue sash.

I could totally wear this lounging around with tights or skinny jeans tucked in some knee high boots.
Simple black dress, but I love the shape of it. I love thee flutteri-ness of the sleeves and the glittery cinch in the waist.
I'm not sure if I can pull on a strapless, but I love the teal and asymmetrical pleating of this dress.
Again, love the ruffles and the shape of this dress. I feel like I would enjoy an opera more just wearing this dress!
I love how simple this dress is. There is just enough detailing in the sash and bow at the waist to make it pop.

Again, I love how the dress is simple with detailing at the waist and the hem of the dress.
I love the metallic material and the scrunching look at the top tied altogether with a simple black belt.
I love the coziness of this sweater. I wonder how it would look with long sleeves (I always find short sleeved sweaters so strange.)
I love the simpless-ness of this dress. How the pleats pull into the waist, and then flow outwards.

*swoons*

Which ones do you like??? Do you have a dress that makes you feel like a million bucks???

It Bothers Me

I'm not sure if LeBlanc not saying "I love you" should bother me this much, but it does. A couple times, I was thinking about it since last weekend, and I teared up. Truth be told, it hurt more than I thought it would when I didn't read those words on his anniversary card, last weekend. It was too much to keep inside. I told him, today.

me: I don't want you to say anything that you don't mean. But I wonder when you would be ready to say them, or if you would be. It's been bothering me.

LeBlanc: I don't know, Des. I'm very slow at emotional and relationship stuff. What does that mean to you - love?

me: It would mean that I am someone who is special in your life. Someone you care deeply about. Someone whom you may have a future with, one day.

LeBlanc: You are special to me. Very special. In a good way. And I always looking to spending time with you. And I want to keep spending time with you.

me: What does it mean to you - love?

LeBlanc: I don't know.

Pause.

LeBlanc: I'm not too good at this emotional part. I am very slow at relationship stuff, I think I need to take some time and think.

I'm not sure if it was the right thing to tell LeBlanc how I felt. My original plan was just to leave it until he is ready to say it. However, I think its important that he knows that going on in my head, and something is obviously bothering me. I don't want him to "fix" it and tell me something that's not true.

What do you think?? Would you say something in my position???

Our Anniversary :)

This weekend, LeBlanc and I celebrated our first anniversary together. We both couldn't believe that it's been a year already since that fateful night.

I wasn't sure if I would be able to spend our anniversary together, so I made LeBlanc a gift basket of some herbal tea, a cologne, special tea cup, and pillows before he went away to Australia.

Last weekend, I reminded LeBlanc that our anniversary. LeBlanc went shopping (shock!) and got me a cardigan and cami - and it fits!

When I was reading his card, I started to cry halfway through. Even though most of it was happy tears, I was also a little sad. When he asked me if they were tears of happiness, I nodded, but that wasn't entirely true. I thought that he might say "I love you," or something to that effect, but he didn't. I haven't said to him since that night.

It's funny, everything he does makes me feel like I am special to him, and that he cares a great deal about me. But I guess I would like the verbal reassurance, as well. I don't really want to bring it up, because I don't want him to feel pressured to say it if he's not ready. At the same time, I feel a little hurt.

Thoughts on Weddings (in general)

No, LeBlanc and I are not getting married. These are just my thoughts on weddings, in general. Especially after my experience through some of my friends' and co-workers' weddings.

To be honest, I'm not sure if I want a "traditional" wedding, or maybe even any wedding. Coming from a big Asian family, and being the oldest grandchild on my dad's side, I have a fear that my wedding would become some sort of circus show of varying degrees of family politics and having face. Basically, I feel that I have to be putting on a big show. I am also lazy, and am not the type of person to "ooohh" and "aaaah" over flowers, napkins, center pieces, decorations, etc. I don't want to spend a lot of money on things just to put on what I feel is a very expensive show.

Weddings are expensive, and I don't want to spend money on planning an event that is so stressful. Even with just the "basics", usually you still have the following expenses for 50 to 80 guests:

• Dress ($500 - $1000)
• Hair and make up ($100 - $300)
• Venue ($3000 - $7000)
• Flowers and decorations ($1000 - $3000)
• Photography/videography ($1000 - $2000)
• Wedding cake ($300 - $800)

I want to spend money on things that are important to me, and putting on a big show is not. I don't want to be a bride who is simply waiting for her wedding day to be over, because she is so stressed.

Having said all that, this is what I would like, if I were to have a wedding (non big show style).

I would love to have a very small outdoor wedding with about 10 to 12 people. In the fall, in a park with my parents, my sisters and one or two close friends. I would like to do the traditional tea ceremony with my parents. We'd take a few photo's to remember and then take everyone out for dinner afterwards.

No big decorations. No flowers (except maybe a bouquet). No center pieces. No fancy invitations or name cards. No band. No cake. Though I would like a dress. Maybe not a completely traditional western or Chinese one. Maybe one like this.

Just us and the people who mean the most to us.

I am not bashing big weddings, I just know that's not what I want, and its not what makes me happy. This is partly because of the craziness I hear and experience. I just feel that society portrays that as a bride, you get to go crazy because it is your day. You get to be a princess and throw the biggest party because it will make you happy. A beautiful gown. A gorgeous cake. Breath taking flowers. The perfect venue and menu.

Except that when I think of all those things, I feel there is a daunting list of things to plan, to arrange, and to make sure that everyone is happy - and that's what I don't want. It stresses me out.

What are your thoughts on weddings?? Do you want a big wedding or small wedding?? What is the most important part of a wedding for you???

Long Distance Relationship Work and Playful Banter

I'm not one who is new to long distance relationships. Almond and I had done it several times. As with any relationship, it shouldn't be too difficult, but at the same time, it's not easy. In a nutshell, these are the most important take away points I've learned.

Usually, there is very little time to spend together (i.e. on the phone). You usually see only the best of each other at those times, and would rather not bring up topics that are not so happy. Sometimes, important issues can get swept under the rug because you don't want to waste this precious time you have together. Similarly, these items which get swept under the rug can get pent up and explode into a very ugly situation.

LeBlanc has been away on business in Australia for the past month. Having a 16 hour time difference puts some strain on our relationship. We talked about it before he left, and one of the things we were going to work on was communication and trying to include each other in our daily goings, with a combination of phone calls, texting, and e-mails.

As hard as we both try, one person usually does more of the above than the other. In my case, I felt a little neglected when LeBlanc and I hadn't talked in a few days. I knew that he had been working really long hours, and could just picture that when he came home, he would just collapse into sleep. But still. I wanted a call. I am his girlfriend. I am human. And I am selfish. Hmmph.

I also happened to be having a not-so-great week at work. I was afraid that I would be mad with feelings of pent up neglect by the time LeBlanc finally called, so I texted him a "heads up".

Des: I am feeling neglected.

LeBlanc: Terribly sorry... Meant to call you last night but fell asleep as soon as I got home. What are you up to now?

Des: At work.

LeBlanc then called. It was so great hearing his voice and the anger melted away. I told him about my week, and he told me about his. His project had hit somewhat of a stand-still and he wasn't sure if he would be back in Toronto (his project was originally 7 weeks overseas). I was almost afraid to hope that he'd be back for fear of it not happening.

Anyway, after our brief chat, I went back to work, and he got up to start his day.

I got an e-mail shortly after.

To: Des

From: LeBlanc
Subject: Fwd: Awwww... Poor Piglet

Just wanted to remind you that I do read your messages : )

-- LeBlanc

To: LeBlanc
From: Des

Subject: Re: Fwd: Awwww... Poor Piglet

Thanks :)

I do send a lot of them. I guess I think of you often.

I did feel a little miffed last night and this morning. These if a part of me that is understanding, and a part of me that is not, and sometimes they clash. I just feel how I feel, and figured I should let you know so that I don't explode on you, and squander the little time we do have to talk being mad. I know you are working a lot and long hours, and frustrated about your project. And I don't want to add to your stress, and I hope that I am not.

I hope your project works out, I know how much you were looking forward to it. I am excited for you! And I will keep my fingers crossed and hope for the best.

*kiss*

-- Des

To: Des

From: LeBlanc
Subject: Fwd: Awwww... Poor Piglet

That e-mail made me smile a lot... especially on the inside.

I hope that's what you were going for.

-- LeBlanc

Then the playful text banter. My favourite part!

Des: I probably should have added in the e-mail that patience is not one of my virtues.

LeBlanc: It's OK... Luckily, I'm a wonderful person.

Des: Yes, as wonderful as your are modest.

LeBlanc: Yes... Lots of both. (Said with a smile).

Des: Sounds perfect. Now you only need a spice rack*.

*Inside joke. I was impressed with this guy my friend is dating because he has a spice rack in his apartment. Lame, I know.

Update: LeBlanc came back yesterday afternoon! Hooray! And he brought a little friend for me, Mr. Koala aka Mr. K.**

**This is not an actual picture of Mr. K, but he does look very similar.

What are your experiences with long distance relationships? And what words of wisdom do you have to share about you long distance experience?

Too Much Apologizing?

I'm the type of person who will be ridden with guilt, if you tell me that I've hurt your feelings, or hurt you in any way. I will feel absolutely terrible. I will rack my brains trying to retrace all steps that led to this situation, and I will apologize for absolutely everything that I can think of that has led to this. Then, I will beat up on myself for not having realized it soon. That's a pattern that I've noticed in the last few years.

It's true what they say, "It's a lot easier making friends than keeping them."

This weekend, I went out with a bunch of friends from my college class - kinda like a little class reunion of the "FOB" group. I wasn't particularly close to most people in the group, but we often studied together and hung out during college. The one person I was closer to in the group, J, seemed to be upset at me.

Just the distant kinda feeling, where even though it's been a while, they are not as super excited to see you as you are them. Ouch. She wasn't rude, or anything, but when I suggested we get together, she didn't say much.

I remember when Almond and I were on the verge of breaking up, he said something like, "I'm tired of always being the one who apologizes." I guess that's how I feel now.

J and I have had 2 major fights where I felt like I was fighting more than I should be for our friendship.

Example 1:

I went on exchange to Singapore with a classmate, P. We were all friends, and there was obviously chemistry and something going on between her and P. What I didn't know what that P had a gf in another city. Upon knowing this, and knowing that J and P's gf deserved better, I tried to convince J that this was a bad idea, but also tried not to judge her.

J and P try to do the "just friends" thing for a while, and J ends up getting hurt even more.

Fast forward to Singapore, P is the only person I know there. Even though I felt like I hated his guts for what he did to my friend, I can't explain to you the relief of a familiar face in a foreign country. So we start hanging out sometimes, though I did eventually meet new friends.

I also met P's gf (Note: They had broken up but had previously made plans to go on exchange to the same school in Singapore. Awkward.), and we hung out sometimes. I found out that she was actually a very cool person, and we had a ton in common, so we became friends. I told J that we were friends, but I didn't really go into much detail since I knew that J saw her as "the enemy." Even though there was a time difference of 12 hours or so, and we didn't talk as frequently, I felt that J had started giving me the cold shoulder.

After much prodding, I find out that she's actually de-friended me on Facebook, and has indeed been purposely giving me the cold shoulder. She said that she felt that I had betrayed her by being friends with P's ex gf.

I spent the next week trying to explain myself, that it was not my intention to betray her and I was still her friend. As an exchange student, you meet all the exchange students, and she was just someone I had a lot in common with. I never would have brought what happened between her and P up, or discuss it with her. This apology went on for almost a month, and things were still a little awkward when I came back from exchange, until she felt that she could trust me, again. Even last year, when I saw her MSN status as: "Why would you be friends with someone who hurt me?" when she found out that we had gone out for dinner.

I felt that I was always there for J when she was going through the P ordeal. But I never saw that P's ex gf had hurt her. If anything, P and J should have known better. But I still don't see anything wrong being friends with someone whom I click with. At the end of it, J believed me that I didn't mean to hurt her, and accepted my apology. But on hindsight, was there really a need for me to defend myself and my loyalty to her that much? Did I really need to apologize and practically beg for forgiveness? I don't know, but I did because I thought her friendship was really important to me.

Example 2:

Last year, we were all planning our graduation trips. Though, I'm no world traveler, I've done my share of traveling, and have a few suggestions / pointers when asked.

I lived in Boston for 4 months, and have traveled to New York City NY, Cleveland OH, Houston TX and some neighboring states. I also went on exchange in Singapore for 4 months and visited various cities in Malaysia, Cambodia, Vietnam, Indonesia and Thailand.

Mostly, I have backpacked through out and explored with my group of friends. The Lonely Planet Guides were awesome. (Not the best thing out there, but definitely very practical.) My friends and I (including LeBlanc) stayed in hostels and guest houses, took buses/ subways or taxi's to get around.

I was often surprised at how there was always some way to communicate, whether it be pointing at a map, using a hand gestures, or speaking a little broken dialect from one of our backgrounds. It felt like there was some sort of global connection anywhere we went. After these trips, I strongly believe that with a little research, everyone can plan their trip to almost anywhere in the world, and tailor it to their style and budget.

So when I heard that J's graduation trip was joining a Contiki tour to see Europe in 2 weeks, I kinda knew how it would be like, and how much she would probably enjoy it. She was seeing about 7 countries in 2 weeks. I knew it would be mostly travel time, and spending maybe only a few hours at each site before rushing to the next site, or a hotel. But when I tried to explain this to her when she asked for my opinion, she only saw it as me putting down her trip and being unsupportive.

We have a tight group (four of us) and what I didn't realize was that she had told my other two friends who basically saw it the same way she did, but also empathized with her, i.e., big bully Des picking on little J who was so helpless. I'm serious. It was only when I was getting the cold shoulder from one of the two other friends that I was confused.

Again, I apologize for hurting J's feeling even though I had done it with the best of intentions. And I knew that when she came back from the trip that she felt that it was just going from one site to the next. It's never a simple apology, I always feel like I need defend myself and prove to her that I'm a good friend despite the mishap.

Fast forward to now-ish. She's been busy with her life, and I've been busy with mine. I try to keep in touch via e-mail or a phone call every so often to see how she is doing. But when my e-mails go unanswered and my phone calls go unreturned, I feel it is rude, and am a little peeved myself. She also cancelled out last minute on a few plans, and I guess I just feel ditched. I try to be understanding and shake it off, but I feel how I feel.

So at this dinner thing, I suggested we do something, and she said, "Well, the last time we did something was for your birthday." I think she was mad that I kinda forgot about hers. I guess she has a right to be mad, but it's way too late now. And I just don't feel like apologizing and fighting for our friendship. Again.

It's not that I have a problem with apologizing, it's just that it doesn't end with the apology. I feel like there are so many loops to jump through afterwards. To once again prove that I am a good friend.

Obviously I make mistakes, but so does everyone else. And so does she. She has hurt me before, but I don't make her feel bad about it for weeks or months at a time. J was supposed to go on exchange to Singapore, as well. We made plans for it, for almost a year. I was looking forward to spending 4 months abroad with my friend. The week we are about to leave, she changes her mind and cancels. When she first told me, I was devastated and angry. I was really disappointed.

But I thought that our friendship was more important than this trip, so when she apologized, I accepted her apology and made the effort to get together before I left. I wanted to let her know that I was mad when she first told me, but I was trying to understand and I wasn't mad anymore. Though I did wish she would be there to share all the fun with me, and would miss her.

I'm not trying to measure "sizes of mistakes" or anything, but on hindsight, that was a huge dissappointment for me, but I wasn't mad for long, nor did I want to make her feel bad. I mean, forgiving a friend is easy. But I feel like when I do something that has wronged her, it's always so much to get her forgiveness.

Is this bad??? I do feel awful, but I also just feel tired of it. I shouldn't have to keep proving myself every time, right???

So Cute :)

LeBlanc and I went to see the Cirque du Soleil performance of Ovo last weekend.

He got last minutes tickets for us and we weren't able to sit together. He was in seat 9 and I was in seat 11 (or something like that). It turns out that we were at the "aisle/walkway" seats. So no one was between us, but there was a walkway between us.

I was completely engrossed in the show -- it was fabulous, by the way. Those people are made out of rubber!

At half time, we head out to stretch our legs.

LeBlanc: You know, if you had moved your foot a little to the left, I could touch your feet.

me: Huh?

LeBlanc: You were sitting so straight, and I was trying to reach over and touch your feet, but it was too far.

me: Ohhhh. That's so cute!

After half time, I made sure that my foot was a little bit in the "aisle way", and when LeBlanc reached his foot over, our feet touched. So, even though we didn't get to sit next to each other to enjoy the show, we enjoyed it with our feet touching in the aisle. And I think it's even more romantic than him having his arm around me.

Kissing

"Eight out of ten women believe that the first kiss will tell them everything they need to know about a relationship." -- Hitch, 2005

Kissing is important. To say the least. It's how we can express our emotions to each other. Whether they be tender, lustful, sad, desperate, mysterious, angry. Whether it's our first kiss, or not. A kiss on the cheek, forehead, nose, lips, neck or any other body part...

I have mentioned before that LeBlanc and I were friends. We had a common group of friends of the people we traveled with while on exchange in Singapore. He always seemed like a nice guy, but he seemed so carefree and goofy all the time, that I never really saw any other side of him.

One of the things that struck me about LeBlanc was the way he kissed me.

I'm thinking back to our first date, when what I thought I knew about him changed.

It was the way he kissed me, and the way he took his time to build up to the kiss. In a slow-flirtatious-shy kind of manner. Tracing his fingers along the length of my arm, and massaging my neck and shoulders. Tickling me. Holding me close, and then waiting for me to go the last bit.

From this kiss, I felt like I was seeing a completely new LeBlanc. Not the LeBlanc who leads our travel group on our crazy adventures, or the LeBlanc who does the silly things (like wear his underwear...). No, this was a LeBlanc who was gentle and sexy, and sensitive to me. His kisses were soft, gently, and teasingly. And it felt so good.

Even though I love all sorts of kisses. One of my favourites would have the be the forehead kiss. There's just something so sweet and simple about being kissed on the forehead. One time, it was before LeBlanc was leaving for Norway, and we went to his parents' for dinner. The taxi was going to pick him up at his parents, so we didn't really have a private farewell. We were standing in front of the taxi, his little brothers were watching. I gave LeBlanc a quick hug, and he held me for a moment and planted a kiss on my forehead.

How do you like to be kissed?? Would a guy have a chance if he didn't kiss well?? Would there be a point of a second date, if the kiss didn't go well???

Blah...

Yesterday, I got an email from someone I considered a good friend telling me she now realizes that our friendship is no longer a priority for me. It was a long and drawn out process, she told me, but she said she's glad that she realizes it now, and basically doesn't care.

A series of events have led to this path, and I am sorry to say that I have neglected my friends while LeBlanc and I have been dating. Except that I never really saw it as neglect until we chatted about it yesterday. It was hard to swallow that a group of my friends who I was once closer to, has felt for some time that they are my back up friends when LeBlanc is not around.

I wish someone had told me, but I guess it was something that I should have known. I just honestly thought that everyone was busier with their lives, and that it wasn't a big deal, if I don't make all the outings. But I guess I just missed one too many.

It kinda sucks. I feel like posting up the conversation, but I don't have the energy to post it now. I just want to go to sleep for a few days, and wake up feeling less rotten than I do, now.

Have you done this before?? Any words of wisdom to pass along??

New Standards

My girl friend, B and I went our for dinner last Friday night.

Throughout dinner, we talked about the usual: work, goals, money, boys.

B was just starting to see someone new, and I wanted to only know ALL the juice. As she spilled the beans, and we proceeded to pick this guy apart. We realized that the things we are looking for in a potential partner have changed a lot. From when we were in our high school days, to even our college days (and we only graduated last year -- 2008!).

One of the things that stood out about this new guy, lets call him "D", was that he had a spice rack in his condo. Imagine that, we were both so impressed with this spice rack, whereas a couple years ago, I could really care less.

I guess it's not so much the spice rack, but what it could mean for both B and I. To me, it means that he is somewhat of a cook, and takes pride in his culinary skills. He doesn't have to be an Iron Chef, but I can picture that he might cook me delicious meal on a date in, or be able to take care of himself (and hence, perhaps me!)and eat fairly yummy food .

We went through our list of what qualities qualify and which ones gets boys axed. I think this reflects not only our personalities, but also where we are in life, and what we have now come to expect in terms of quality of life.

We have both come to agree that "love is not enough."

In addition to attraction and caring for someone, which are important. But just as important would be to have similar life goals, similar views on finances, similar culture (and I don't mean the same race), respect of individuality. I would like my guy to be ambitious, but also financially stable.

1) Similar life time goals

I'm not sure what my ultimate goal is, but I would like to live a life that is relatively simple (minimal material possession) and be able to help others who are less fortunate than myself. I want to be able to contribute to sustainable development, whether it be through my work, or through other experiences.

2) Similar views on finances

I see money as a tool to live a lifestyle that is in line with my beliefs. I don't believe that we need a lot of material possessions to lead a full filling life, and I don't want to spend my money on the upkeep of things that do not add value to my life. However, I do see money as a tool to free myself from things that I do not want to do, and pursue my own interests. For instance, nto having to work at a job I do not like simply to pay the bills.

3) Similar respect for culture

My background is Chinese and I was born in Toronto. I think I am very open to new ideas and new cultures, and I think that it is important that my guy also has similar thinking. Whether it be heading out for a night of Indian food, or supporting the Gay Pride Parade.

4) Respect of individuality

I want to be trusted and respected for the decisions that I make. We may discuss it together; however, we may not always agree. This may be a big decision like going back to school, or studying abroad, or maybe a small decision, like buying an expensive pair of shoes (after saving up, of course!).

5) Ambitious and financially stable

Since I am an ambitous person, I find it attractive that my guy is also in the same boat. He doesn't have to super love his job, but he should be proud of what he does, and always aim to improve his skill set and always seek to learn. This was something that I found really unappealing about Hagan Daaz. He was super happy that he could watch 4 episodes of House at work...Yeaa...

I am no gold digger, and don`t think I have super expensive tastes. However, I refuse to support someone who does not try to help themselves. I worked hard to get where I am now, and no one is going to mooche off me. My guy should also be responsible for his finances, and be able to take care of himself, and maybe have some investments. Again, I am not asking for something in a guy that I don`t already do myself.

To summarize, the bar has been raised since my first dating days in high school. However, I think that I myself, have also raised the bar for myself. I hold myself to the same standards that I am looking for. I think that`s fair.

My Outfit

LeBlanc and I are going to one of his high school buddy's wedding, and I'll be his guest! I'm so excited - to dress up, and of course, to dress LeBlanc up. teehee.

Side rant:

My aunt from Houston is visiting for about 3 weeks. She usually visits twice a year for that amount of time. It seems that during these visits, we are obligated to put aside our lives for the 3 weeks, and go out every weekend. That's the thing with Chinese families. They are always so big, and there are always so many occasions to remember. This is sort of one of those times. And if you don't, you are guilt tripped that you don't care about your family. Sigh.

Anyway, I had promised LeBlanc I would go way back in August, and I am really looking forward to this! So, I am going to have to put up with the guilt tripping, and suck it up. I love my family, but sometimes, there are just too many occasions to keep up with.

So, this is the dress I have in mind. I think I can wear this to both the ceremony and reception. Maybe throw a shawl over it at the ceremony. I never know what to do about accessories. Any feedback and suggestions would be much appreciated.

My dress.

My shoes.

My accessories (green shiny earrings and my Movado watch).

Any suggestions for accessories?? No necklace right?? I'm always afraid I'll look overdone... Help!!

Please Punch Me in the Face if I'm Annoying

I want my guy to punch me in the face if I'm annoying. Figuratively speaking, of course.

I was reading this post from Loayza from Become a Young Successful Entrepreneur. This is a post where he talks about how he determined his girlfriend was the one.

An important point he brought up was to be able to have a fight with his girlfriend. He says that it shows that he cares enough to get into an argument with her. Which raises a very good point for me.

When Almond and I were dating, we hardly every fought (for almost 5 years!). True, we were both very easy going people, but sometimes, I would just get annoyed and snap. But, Almond would not.

If I got annoyed, Almond would try calm me down or try to rationalize with me. But he would never lose his cool with me. If he got mad, he would rather be alone until the anger passed.

I know that different people deal with anger or feelings, in general, differently, but this really bothered me. It bothered me especially more towards the end of our relationship, when I felt like I had to yell or cry just to be heard, and Almond was always as cool as a cucumber.

I really wanted Almond to just get mad at me. To yell at me. For some reason, I felt like this "calm facade" was a shield for him not to reveal his raw emotions to me, and that I wasn't worth the effort to fight.

I did know part of the reason behind this behavior. Almond's parents fought a lot. Almond said that he hated the idea of yelling at me, or losing his temper. He said that he didn't see why we couldn't just speak calmly. He didn't see what yelling or fighting would get accomplished.

For me, this was a main contributor to why we didn't work out. Even though, Almond had his alone moments to sort through his thoughts, he never told me the things that bothered him about me.

It all came out in verbal diarhea that had been suppressed for almost 5 years, after we broke up. Random thoughts that were suppressed that he held against me like a grudge, blaming me for not knowing, because I should have known.

Should have known how he really felt about going to Japan, when he told me it was OK.

Should have known how mad he was when I gave him wrong directions my first week at my new house.

Should have known that he didn't want banana and strawberry smoothies.

And yes, these were the exact examples he brought up! But not once, had he actually told me when we were together. When he was in fact, fuming with anger inside. Men.

And so that concludes my previous experience of having fights in my past relationships. Fast forward to now.

LeBlanc and I haven't had a big fight, yet. There have been annoyances - some bigger than others. Sometimes, I can be annoying, and I can read the signs. Sometimes LeBlanc gets up and physically removes himself from situation because he is annoyed, and he thinks he will snap at me if he doesn't. Sometimes, it is my fault, and sometimes, it's just a bunch of factors.

LeBlanc and I have had some serious talks, and I have asked him to let me know when something is up, or if I do something that upsets him, or if something changes. I think he thinks that this stems from my previous relationship, which it does, but more importantly, I just want to know that I am worth the effort of a fight. Maybe I should be more clear.

What are your thoughts fighting in a relationship?? How do you and your significant other deal with these fights?? How do you think they have helped you and your relationship??

One of Those Days

Today was one of those days. One of those days when things have snowballed during the week, and that one thing, no matter how minute and small, just tips the scale. You need a good cry. You can't solve anything, but bawling your eyes out for a little bit will just help.

Fabulously Broke described it really well in her post, "It's a Girl Thing, Honey." (I actually sent that article to LeBlanc for future reference when I found that post a couple months ago.)

I had a bad week at work last week. A couple days, I was feeling a bit under the weather, and I just called in sick. Then I felt down about that, because I felt like I should be more compassionate about my job. When lately, I've just felt kinda "meh", and I can't imagine myself doing this my entire life. Processing paper work, writing specifications, babysitting clients, putting up with dodgy contractors, etc etc.

Then, of course there was my "I love you" moment with LeBlanc last weekend where I was a little hurt. Not his fault, but it added to my snowball.

Then there was the possibility of LeBlanc going away to The Democratic Republic of Congo for a possible project. It might be for a few months, and we're not sure if he would be able to come back very often. And I was afraid it would just be too hard if we didn't see each other for 4 or 5 months. I would really miss him.

This morning started simply enough. We woke up around 11ish, and LeBlanc promised to make me scrambled eggs and pea meal bacon for breakfast. Some of his friends were visiting, so we went for coffee first, and post poned breakfast until afterwards. (Aside: I get really grouchy when I'm hungry.)

After coffee, we went to buy our breakfast ingredients. But LeBlanc wanted to stop by the Army Surplus store to look for a bday present for his little brother. So we looked a little, but couldn't really find something. I suggested we come back after breakfast. (Yea, I want my food!)

So we're back his apartment, and the kitchen is really quite a dirty mess. Four male consultant roommates. Always working. Never at home. Rarely clean. So LeBlanc starts cleaning, and tells me not to worry about the mess and I can start cooking while he cleans. I start cooking pea meal bacon. Fry tomatoes. Scramble eggs. And some instant curry.

LeBlanc takes a call from his little brother who is doing practice interviews with. His little bro is graduating from college this coming spring and has some upcoming interviews. LeBlanc has been helping him by asking some typical questions, and guiding him with presenting his thought process.

I come downstairs and LeBlanc is on the phone. And this is where bitchy Des enters the scene.

I get upset that I need to wait for him, and kinda stalked off. And then I start to feel the snowball effect of above mentioned events. I take a long shower to suppress the tears and hope that the snow ball will pass. LeBlanc knocks on the door to let me know he's done, but I don't want to come out with my tear stained face.

By the time I leave the washroom, I find the house empty.

I spoon myself a serving of curry and queue up a tv show. Then LeBlanc comes in. With a little "sorry gift" for me. But I'm upset and a brush it away.

LeBlanc: Ouch. Ummm... I'll go get the food.

And he heads upstairs. At this point, I couldn't suppress tears and emotions, and I went to the washroom to cry. I know, I know. I am pathetic, and bitchy.

LeBlanc knocks on the washroom, and can tell I am crying. I finally open the door but I turn off the lights so he doesn't see my tear stained face. (I look absolutely awful when I cry. My eyes are all red and puffy, and smaller than they already are. My nose is red. And my nose is full of snots and I can barely speak cuz I'm all choked up.)

LeBlanc asks to come in, and brings said food into the washroom (on top of the toilet) and hugs me, and asks me what's wrong. When all I could do was sniffle out some snorts.

LeBlanc: When you cry, it scares me.

me: *sniffle* Why?

LeBlanc: I don't know what to do, or why.

LeBlanc suggests we take our food out of the washroom and talk about it in his room, so that our food does not get contaminated.

I still can't really talk, but I try to wipe away my tears, while hiding behind my hair.

LeBlanc: I've never seen you cry before. It's so feminine. You're usually so strong.

me: *sniffles*

LeBlanc: You look cute when you cry.

me: I look terrible!

LeBlanc: You look cute and sexy. You're all pouty.

LeBlanc gives me his "sorry present", again, and I accept it this time.

LeBlanc: I went out to look for a necklace for you, cuz I know you're looking for one. But I'm not very good with buying necklaces. Or clothes. Or shoes. Or sandals. So I got you a little bag, with something in it.

LeBlanc gives me a little wooden ring with blue flowers on it, and places in on my finger. I'm not anymore, and start to loose the lump in my throat. I feel silly and continue to cry into his shoulders, trying not to leave too much snot on his shirt. I'm such a lady.

We eat our long awaited breakfast and watch our new favourite show, The Big Bang Theory.

Afterwards, I explain to him it wasn't really his fault, and tell him about the above mentioned events. Except for the "I love you" part. And we talked things through. And things are a lot better, now. And he recalled the article I sent to him earlier, and asked if it was one of those days. It was indeed.

I wanted to apologize for being such a bitch in the morning when he was just helping out his little brother. But I was afraid I would start bawling, again, so I sent him an e-mail. I hope he understands.

I feel so lucky to have found someone so sweet and caring.

Do you have those days?? How do you deal with them??

I Think I Love You

As you know, I've been thinking it for a while, and recently decided that I was almost ready to tell LeBlanc that I love him.I love him for because he makes me happy. He makes me feel safe. He makes me feel special and loved. He is intelligent and ambitious, and yet modest and humble. He is patient. He is sweet and thoughtful. He is kind and gentle. He calms me down when he senses I'm tense. He listens to my crazy ideas of life, and encourages me to pursue said crazy ideas :)

So, I've been having this build up of emotion. It started one day at a traffic light when I was worked up from driving through downtown rush hour traffic. Hate. Doing. That. But he reached over and gave me a squeeze and told me I'm doing great.

Then, there was last weekend when he queued up my favourite Taylor Swift songs on YouTube and sang along, even with his friends around. (He doesn't get embarrassed easily, eh!)

Or how he never gets mad at me even though I've stolen the blanket in the middle of the night from him on several occasions and he's gotten a bit of a cold in the morning.

I like watching him help his little brothers with their homework.

I like that he is proud of my work, and introduces me as a "real" engineer and that I'm "smarter than him" even though, I don't think it's true.

And lately the urge to tell him how I feel has been a bit overwhelming. But...

When was the right time? ...The right place? ...How should I say it? ...Should I be scared of being the first to say it? ...What if he doesn't feel the same way? ...Would he think I'm moving too fast and pushing him away? ...Am I making myself too vulnerable?

But last night, I did it.

He drove me home after dinner with his family at his parents' house. We kissed good night, and I went to grab my bags. Then, I decided that I had to tell him right then, and didn't want to put it off any longer.

I hug him, and say, "I think I love you."

There is a pause, as I think he is digesting my unexpected farewell.

LeBlanc: Thank you. That's very nice of you to say.

Another pause.

LeBlanc: I really like you a lot.

me: Ummm. Thank you. That's very nice of you to say.

LeBlanc: This is new to me. I've never felt this way before.

me: What's that?

LeBlanc: Felt like I really like someone.

Aside thought: I admit, I was a wee bit dissappointed that he didn't say that he loved me, too. But, I was kinda prepared for the fact that LeBlanc, might not in fact be

1) ready to say it

2) might not feel it

I don't want him to say that if he does not mean it. I don't want him to just say it because I said it. And I appreciate his honesty. I am glad that I was able to tell him how I feel. But, still.

PS. I've been working on a new blog which focuses on personal finance. Join me on my journey to financial freedom at FrugalGirlintheCity.blogspot.com!

Meals for the Week

A little planning goes a long way. Cooking your own meals is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Not only do you save a tonne of money, you also have complete control over the quality of your ingredients, the amount of fat, sodium and seasonings you put in your food.

I've been cooking for myself since I started college, and I think I've gotten a little better every year. I usually cook in the beginning of the week, and eat left overs for the rest of the week.

Lately, I just discovered a very simple method to proportion my food, and store it easier. Tupperware!!!

Instead of storing my food in a large tupperware containers, I store them in individual tupper ware containers after the food has cooled down. This way, I just grab one as I run out the door leaving for work for lunch. And for dinner, I just empty one onto my plate and microwave away.

This week's lunches and dinner is rice with sauteed eggplant in my special sauce, and tomatoes stir fried with oyster mushrooms and green onions in a satay sauce.

Grocery Bill Total: $5.73

Oyster mushrooms: $2.59

Tomatoes: $0.91

Green Onions: $0.50

Eggplants: $1.73

Total of 6 servings with an average serving cost of $0.96

And you get a healthy meal made of fresh ingredients!!!

How do you save money in the kitchen???