OK, I still haven't gotten pictures from the girls yet. Darn it. I can't believe how busy everyone is. But they will come soon. In the meantime, I will bore you with my reflections of "love" that I had while one this trip.
It's funny the thoughts that come into one's head while traveling. You have so much time it seems, and your mind wanders, whether you like it or not. It could be on a long train ride, waiting (yet again) for a delayed flight, drifting along the Nile, watching a sunset, climbing a mountain, watching a sunrise. You get it.
I guess one of the thoughts that hit me really hard was: "I can be happy again with someone new". I know. That took long enough, eh?! When I imagined myself -- perhaps traveling with a significant other -- the image was no longer of Almond. In fact, in wasn't of anyone in particular (most of the time) -- just a mysterious Mr. X.
Now, I truly believe (not just convinced by rationality) that I can really find someone who would love me for who I am, and I can love back with all my heart. It's taken me a while to get to this point. I've taken a look back on my relationship, and realized that I have indeed grown significantly as a person and as a (potential) lover and partner.
The most important part being that the relationship I have with myself is a lot healthier. I have more of an idea of what I want in my life, and more importantly, what my values are. I have learned to take a little more risk, but also learned to let things slide if they don't work out. I have learned to forgive myself, and other people, of mistakes or miscommunications, or whatever, but also know that it's alright to feel hurt and angry for a while.
Carrie Bradshaw once said,
Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.
Before I left on my trip, Almond had emailed me and wanted to know how things were in my life and wanted to get together. I felt obligated to see him, but I said I would let him know when I get back. After weighing the pro's and con's, I feel it may be better not to see him right now. I'm pretty sure he has a new girlfriend, and though I do feel happy for him. I don't think I'm ready to see him. Plain and simple.
I'm happy where I am in my life right now, and I'm afraid seeing him will mess things up. I get to be a little selfish, right?