Saturday, July 5, 2008

Thoughts on Love Abroad

OK, I still haven't gotten pictures from the girls yet. Darn it. I can't believe how busy everyone is. But they will come soon. In the meantime, I will bore you with my reflections of "love" that I had while one this trip.

It's funny the thoughts that come into one's head while traveling. You have so much time it seems, and your mind wanders, whether you like it or not. It could be on a long train ride, waiting (yet again) for a delayed flight, drifting along the Nile, watching a sunset, climbing a mountain, watching a sunrise. You get it.

I guess one of the thoughts that hit me really hard was: "I can be happy again with someone new". I know. That took long enough, eh?! When I imagined myself -- perhaps traveling with a significant other -- the image was no longer of Almond. In fact, in wasn't of anyone in particular (most of the time) -- just a mysterious Mr. X.

Now, I truly believe (not just convinced by rationality) that I can really find someone who would love me for who I am, and I can love back with all my heart. It's taken me a while to get to this point. I've taken a look back on my relationship, and realized that I have indeed grown significantly as a person and as a (potential) lover and partner.

The most important part being that the relationship I have with myself is a lot healthier. I have more of an idea of what I want in my life, and more importantly, what my values are. I have learned to take a little more risk, but also learned to let things slide if they don't work out. I have learned to forgive myself, and other people, of mistakes or miscommunications, or whatever, but also know that it's alright to feel hurt and angry for a while.

Carrie Bradshaw once said,

Later that day I got to thinking about relationships. There are those that open you up to something new and exotic, those that are old and familiar, those that bring up lots of questions, those that bring you somewhere unexpected, those that bring you far from where you started, and those that bring you back. But the most exciting, challenging and significant relationship of all is the one you have with yourself. And if you find someone to love the you you love, well, that's just fabulous.

Before I left on my trip, Almond had emailed me and wanted to know how things were in my life and wanted to get together. I felt obligated to see him, but I said I would let him know when I get back. After weighing the pro's and con's, I feel it may be better not to see him right now. I'm pretty sure he has a new girlfriend, and though I do feel happy for him. I don't think I'm ready to see him. Plain and simple.

I'm happy where I am in my life right now, and I'm afraid seeing him will mess things up. I get to be a little selfish, right?


Andy said...

Well, hello hello!

As may have noticed, I live in a small country in Latin America, but next year I'm going to study abroad (Not sure where).

I went to Canada (travelling by myself on airports... blech) exactly 2 years ago. I landed in Toronto and then my uncle picked me up and we left to Montreal because that's where he lives.

I am expecting to study Industrial Engineering maybe in France, or Argentina, or Mexico or the States. Tough decision, I know. But, I'm glad I've found another female engineer! (Well, actually my mom is an Industrial Engineer too).

I'll keep visiting, and DO feel welcome about visting my blog AND my country. Son't let the weather scare you, because it's always hot in here.

Christie said...

So glad you're back! I agree with your decision, not to see him. I also don't think it's selfish of you :)

I've been kind of lazy since coming back from my vacation. I have tons of blogs to catch up on.

Des said...

Andy - Welcome! That's great that you're going into engineering. Of course, I'm a little biased :) And studying abroad, as well. You will have so many new adventures, I'm sure.

Christie - Thanks, Christie. I always have trouble making decisions that might hurt other people, and I guess sometimes I forget that I might end up hurting myself.

Nat said...

Oh I am hoping to share your feelings one day. It is nice to hear that you do get there. I am trying to decide currently if I should see my ex yet. It has been 6 weeks since the demise of our relationship and the main reason for our meeting is to return belongings. I kinda feel I have to do this so that it isn't hanging over me but I am so not sure if I am strong enough to do it. He has always been my Kryptonite, and it took a lot in me to end it.

Andy said...

Hello again! Just around to tell you that you are the winner of an award! Come by and pick it up.

Des said...

Nat - Welcome! I felt like I "should" see my ex, too. But, right now, I'm at a point where I am really happy, and I don't think it's worth jeopardizing my happiness for him. Good luck with our situation. These things are always so sticky, but I believe they make us stronger individuals. :)

Andy - Thanks so much, sweetie. I'll be around soon-ish!