Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays :)

I realize how truly blessed I am to be able to celebrate my holidays with family and loved ones.

Even with kinks and bumps along the road, my family has always managed to be there for me, every step of the way. For that, I am eternally grateful.

This Christmas was my first grown up Christmas. That means that instead of getting 2 weeks off, I only get two and a half days off. Le sigh. But, it also makes me want choose who I want to spend that time with.

The day before Christmas Eve, who do I run into at the bus stop, but Almond. I see him as he is running to catch the bus, and I just got off. He stops to chat.

I was feeling a bit awkward, and pointed out that his bus was leaving. Even though I knew it came by often. He said, that he could take the next one. He asked how I was. Usual small talk. I wished him a Merry Christmas. He said it was nice seeing me.

I got an email from him a few days ago.

from: Almond
to: Des
date: Fri, Dec 26, 2008 at 12:39 AM
subject: Merry Christmas

Hi Des,

It was nice to see you again the other day. Just wanted to wish you a merry Christmas. I hope everything is going well for you.

Sincerely,
Almond

I know I should have responded earlier, but a part of me just wasn't sure what to say.

The thing that I realize now is, that I'm not mad at him anymore. I'm not bitter anymore. In fact, I'm just really sad.

Really sad that our relationship ended the way it did, and that there is nothing in the world that can make that better. So many times, I had wished that he could say those things to me that I desperately wanted to hear, and that somehow, things would be better. But, I now realize that there are no such words.

What we had is gone. He can't bring it back. And neither can I. It isn't so much that I miss him, or that I miss our relationship. It's that I miss who we were and what we had. But I can't go backwards. I can't unlearn what I have learned throughout our relationship, and our break up. I am no longer that naive, innocent, wide eyed girl.

But I know what it was like to be in love. And I also know what it's like to have my heart broken. Perhaps the memories are all that really exist.

I know that I could have responded with something that was impersonal. However, I decided to give him a glimpse into my life. And I didn't ask him a question so he could chose to respond however he chooses to.


from: Des
to: Almond
date: Mon, Dec 29, 2008 at 4:39 PM
subject: Re: Merry Christmas

Hey Almond,

Thanks for the Christmas wishes. I hope you had a nice Christmas with your family. It was nice seeing you again, as well.

I'm not sure if your holiday has ended yet, mine were pretty short. I guess that comes with being a grown up :P. I'm still juggling this post graduation-work reality. I hope you are doing well.

All the best in the new year!


Des

All I know is that, Almond is in the past. He was a huge part of my past, but that is where he belongs. He helped me become the person I am today, and I am grateful. I know that I was a big part of his life, too, and I am glad that in the time we had together, we were able to make each other happy.