Wednesday, September 3, 2008

We went to the Zoo

Haagan Daz and I. Last last weekend. It was fun. We looked at the animals. I wanted to see the Coral Reefs exhibit, and he wanted to see the Spider Monkeys. (They were actually very cool. The only animals who weren't sleeping or just lazing around.)

In a conversation with my friend, J.

me: We went to the zoo last weekend.

j.: Oooo! The zoo. That's where couples who just first start dating go. How exciting!

Dating. Such a vague term.

So I've been "dating" for almost 2 years-ish. I think I need a post on le boys of 2007 and 2008.
So far, I've learned a lot. But I also have more questions.

Like now. So. I like Haagan Daz. He likes me. We've established that. After that, I don't know.

So, we've been dating for about a month now, maybe more. Dating -- as in going out. To the movies. To the beach. To the zoo. On walks. That kind of stuff.

He's cooked me dinner. Pasta, mind you. But it's the thought that counts, right?

We made out on my roommate's couch, last week. Actually, I don't even know if I understand what is included in the term "make out." Let's look it up on Wikipedia.

In human sexuality, making out is a sexual euphemism of American origin dating back to at least 1949. It covers a wide range of sexual behaviors, and means different things to different age groups in different parts of the U.S. It typically involves kissing, including prolonged, passionate kissing (also known as French kissing), intimate contact, including heavy petting-that is, skin-to-skin contact, or other forms of foreplay. Making out is usually considered an expression of affection or sexual attraction to a current or prospective sexual partner. An episode of making out is frequently referred to as a make-out session.

Hmmm. That's vague, too. But that pretty much encompasses what we did. Minus the heavy petting.

The first time we met was at beach volleyball court where his friends and my roommate frequents. So they've seen me before. All sweaty and sandy. So they know about me -- his two close buddies.

He's told his mom about me. He's told his brother and sister-in-law about me. I told him I told my friends and sisters about him. But not my parents. Asian parents can be messy.

We talked about taking the next step. About being a couple. And here come my diarrhea of confusion and random thoughts.

I am not as young or as foolish as I was when I fell for Almond. Where I pictured us living happily ever after, before I decided to take the next step and be his girlfriend. Now, I am just thinking of taking it one step at a time. If I like him, I'll continue seeing him. See below a conversation I had with my girlfriend, J. this weekend about my confusion.

me: So, I like him. What I know of him so far, anyway. I know it's not supposed to feel the same as I did with Almond. And it doesn't. I just feel like I like him. And that's it. I'm not thinking too far into the future. I just like how things are going now. Is there anything wrong with that?

j: Yea. You're not young and foolish, anymore. That's OK. That's good. That's dating.

me: How do I know if I want to me be his girlfriend? I mean, I thought that after a week or so, the idea might make more sense, or sink in. Is that what I want? How do I know what I want?

j: How does it feel?

me: It feels nice. But I also feel like I'm not letting myself go. Too much, anyway. Just a little bit at a time. I feel like I keep catching myself, and preventing myself from falling. Like it's an instinct. Whereas with Almond, I let myself fall.

j: Well, you know what it's like to get hurt, right? You protect yourself. Nothing wrong with that.

me: I feel like I've been single for so long. And finally, I find someone I'm actually looking forward to seeing, and getting to know. It's a weird feeling. I don't think I'm afraid of commitment.

j: Are you, though?

me: I don't know. I wasn't before.

j: But now is now. Are you afraid of it now?

me: I don't know. Maybe. Or maybe I'm afraid to get hurt.

I think that is the bottom line. I'm afraid to get hurt. He's a little different than the guys I've dated. When I say "dated" I mean, went out with a casually. When I say "went out casually" I mean out for dinner, movies, hanging out, etc.

I haven't had anything serious since Almond. I haven't felt any attraction to the guy's I've been out with. I haven't even wanted the guy to kiss me. With the exception of Gelato -- whom we'll discuss later (but he's old news, anyway.) Am I feeling confused because I feel an attraction to Haagan Daz? Or is because he's different in a lot of ways than the guys I'm used to dating.

For one thing, he does not worship Star Wars. Or computer games. Thank god. He's also not an engineer. Believe it or not, kids, I've been only dating engineers. And one nurse -- whom I believed was gay. More on him later.

Things that have been on my mind (not exactly problems per se, just stuff):

Haagan Daz went to college instead of university -- he's a machinist. He's really tall - basically 6' -- I am 5'3". We may or may not hang out in different social crowds -- not sure, yet, since I haven't met his friends and vice versa. He works nights, sometimes. When he gets nervous, he can't stomach food.

He also has a list of foods he doesn't like (side note: I'm a big foodie, and had hoped to find a guy who would love to try different cuisines with me. Almond was a picky eater, too.)

Things that I like about Haagan Daz:

He's been very open and honest with me. Whether it be about his past, or current issues he is dealing with. We talk and talk about anything.

I feel very comfortable around him, and I look forward hanging out with him. Whether it be going out, or just staying in.

He's cute. And tall. And funny. He treats me like a lady, is quasi romantic.

That's it for now. Back to work!


Andy said...

Awww Des! I'm super happy for you. Really. After all that Almond drama, I knew you deserved something better.

You know, the I feel very comfortable around him, and I look forward hanging out with him. Whether it be going out, or just staying in. gave you away. You DO like him. And you WANT to be with him.

It's been also hard for me t give guys another opportunities, mainly because I thought they were going to be as unbearable as the "last guys". But one day, the right guy comes in. And if you don't let him in, you can lose him.

So, my advice is to take risks. You've been hurt before, but hey! you're still alive and standing. Read here : GO FOR IT. NOW.

Des said...

Andy - Thanks for your advice. I'm definitely happy where I am, now. Baby steps. :)