Thursday, October 9, 2008
I love them.
Last weekend, my girl friend, B. and I got together for dinner. We both kinda had "break ups" recently and we had some much needed girl talk.
B. and I met when we were both in Singapore and have been pretty much traveling with each other ever since. It's funny, sometimes, you'd think that when you are half way around the world, your mind would be there, too. And the truth is, that my mind isn't.
I can be half way around the world, I could be on the moon, and the same things would most likely be on my mind. I can't escape it. Sometimes, I wish that I can.
B. probably saw me at my most bitter stage of getting over Almond. It was January of 2007 and we had broken up not too long ago. Then, it seemed like we broke up again, in June 2007 -- even though it was just a horrible meeting up.
And now it's almost the end of 2008.
I've had a few tries at the dating pool. Mostly with really nice, sweet guys. Though none that I can really picture myself dating long term. There's always something that just doesn't feel quite right. And I would rather be lonely and single, than lonely and in a relationship.
After my break up with Haagan Daz, B. was worried about me. She's a sweet girl, and she told me that she was afraid that I might become one of those people who have too many experiences and none of them feel special anymore. And she was afraid that was what happened with Haagan Daz.
She also said that I still seemed angry at Almond and encouraged me to forgive him. The truth is, I really tried. I'm not a hateful person, or one to hold grudges. However, when it comes to him, I still feel angry when I think of what happened. I feel hurt, all over again. And I wish it would just go away. I wish that I could just let it go. But I don't know what's stopping me.
I didn't want to get all teary eyed during our talk but, the truth is that Almond broke my heart. As simple and cliche as it sounds, its the truth. He broke it. And I'm not sure if it's back together, yet. And I'm not sure if it ever will be. That's the part the scares me. How could someone have such a big impact on me? I feel like I should've moved on by now, and I don't think I have.
In another emotional girl chat with my sister, I told her of my fear of even starting to feel that way about someone.
me: I'm afraid that I won't let myself fall in love, even if I'm staring that person in the face, cuz I'll be afraid to get hurt.
sis: You were hurting from you first love, but you got through it. We were there to support you last time. Me, baby sis, your friends, B. and J. And if you have to go through it again, we'll be right there. With ice cream and reruns of SATC. So, you see, you don't have to be afraid of taking a chance when the right guy comes along. Nothing to be afraid of.
And I realize that she's right.
When the right guy comes along, I want to be able to love whole heartedly, because that's just how I'm built. But if it doesn't work out, I know I'll be OK.
Everyone needs a girl chat. I'm glad I have such great girls to have them with.