Saturday, October 18, 2008

The Real Reason

I know I talked about all the reasons why I didn't like Haagan Daz, anymore. But the real reason we broke up is because I don't think I can care about him, the way that I want to. I'm still heart broken over Almond.

I feel like I don't even know where my heart is. I feel so lost. And I feel like a pathetic idiot for still being hung up on Almond.

I'm not going to lie. I'm still hung up on him. And I hate it. Hate it.

I've been running away from my feelings with activities and dates. At the end of the day, I still feel the same way, and it's frustrating.

As cliche as it sounds, I feel like I've given him my heart. All of it. And he's broken it. But he still has his heart. He can give it to whomever he pleases, and I can't even find the pieces to mine.

This sucks.


Anonymous said...

:( I know it hurts but it's good that you're dealing with your emotions. It will take a good deal of time to move on, esepcially since you dated for so long. Just make sure to keep doing things for yourself and things to help find you. You can be happy without him, or any man. You'll get through this.

Greears said...

You are just like my best friend Irene, watching sad movies when you are sad...I agree! Keep yourself active. It will help.

With my true love heartbreak, it took nearly 10 years to totally heal. No, I did not live in a monestary for those 10 years;).

Two things happened to cause the healing: 1) I decided I was going to start living for myself and I moved to Alaska because I wanted to.

2) One day, while alone in Alaska, I was ruminating about T. (again) and finally looked up to God and yelled, "If I have to be thinking about that guy when I'm old in the nursing home I'm going to be pissed!" and it was like God was waiting for me to get pissed about it or something, because from that moment the burden in my brain was lifted.

And shortly after I met Vince.

I am just writing to say, I know how you feel and you are not crazy and this too shall pass... no promises about when however...

Des said...

Miss B - Thanks so much for your kind words. I will keep doing things for me :) I guess this weekend was just a little emotional for me.

Greears - I'm going try to stay active! It's easier once you get started, I think :P

Thanks for kind words and sharing your story. That's beautiful.

I also don't want to live in a monastery until this passes. I'm learning slowly to let myself go - just a little bit at a time.